ONE MONTH TO GO!!!!

Do you see this?  It's on the bottom of my blog today!

That's right, only ONE MONTH TO GO until our wedding!  Holy crap (I say that a lot nowadays)!

I am actually not stressed out right now - even with all the uncertainty in our lives with the health of my grandma and our pitbull and a lot of personal issues going on with my mom and sister and with our move and house renovations and with our finances.  I feel like maybe I can finally get excited.  I feel surprisingly calm - even though I have a to-do list that still feels a mile long only there's no longer a year or six months to handle it all :)

We are almost finished with the house renovations.  We move in all of our stuff a week from this Saturday!  But my daughter and I won't officially move in until after the wedding.  The house is definitely in order enough to where we can comfortably move in.  It is being cleaned and Mr Fix It is finishing up with the major renovations.  I keep telling him not to stress about painting the base boards and door frames and installing new carpet in the living room and hallway and our master bedroom.  Those things can wait until we get back from the honeymoon.  But he's pretty insistent about wanting to get it all done before the wedding.  We'll see how that goes. 

For now, it feels real.  Scary.  Exciting.  Overwhelming.  I have accomplished so much.  I have lots of 'paperwork' type things to handle with regards to the wedding (things like getting our marriage license, Australian visas, insurance coverage from our caterer, finalizing to-do lists with the coordinator) but all the planning is almost all done (need to finalize our song selections and grand entrance but we're very close).  The last of the DIY projects and favors are being assembled in the week or two to come.  My video will be done in about a week.  We'll be running out to pick up some gift certificates as gifts to our guys in the wedding in the next couple weeks.  It is almost time.  So surreal.

31 days to go...how long do you have to go and how do you feel at this point in your engagement?

And the breakdowns begin...

So for 14 months now I have been saying that I refuse to be stressed while planning this wedding.  So much for my plans.  I have been so great about keeping on top of almost everything.  Though there is still much to do, we are moving along. 

All I can say is I am so glad we nixed the idea for a choreographed dance a month ago.  There is just no way I would be able to do it all. 

Monday and Tuesday were my emotional breakdowns and I am now literally a bride on the brink of tears at almost any given moment.  :(  I found out Monday night that my Grandmother (almost 95) is most likely really near the end of her life.  With just 43 days to go until the wedding the one thing I was truly praying for is that Grandma and our pitbull (who was recently diagnosed with a terminal heart condition) would survive until we return from our honeymoon.  My Grandma has been really excited about our wedding and now it looks like she can no longer make the two hour drive to get down here and attend.  I am okay with that as much as she will be missed.  But what I know will be just unbearable is if she passes away between now and our honeymoon.  I will just be a wreck at the moments I know her name will come up.  And most of my family has been making the trek out to her place in Hemet to visit her this week.  My cousin called me yesterday to say that she took the day off to go see her.  Hospice care has started coming to visit her home every day now instead of every other day and she has been on morphine for about a week I think.  So all the signs are that she will not last much longer.  I am heading out to see her today but the phone calls I've had to make to plan for the drive out there have left me bawling in tears at the thought that I 'have to go see my Grandma now.'  It just sounds like we are going to be lucky if she hangs on for even another week or so.  And then yesterday, I got a call that she fell out of bed and spent the entire night in the hospital and is now home with staples in her knee and a brace.  Anyway, prayers for my sanity at this uncertain time are definitely coveted.

But on top of that, I'm also dealing with the stress of trying to make time for the move and renovations of Mr Fix It's home...while we are making a lot of headway, we still have so much to do in just about 3 weeks time! 

And now, one of my bridesmaids is crying all the time about how she can't afford to pay for her dress and her hair and makeup which my stylist is insisting we stick to the contracted terms and pay for.  (My mom and cousin wanted to back out of their commitment to pay the $70 to have their hair and makeup done which they agreed to last June).  So I feel like I am stuck in the middle with understanding that we need to honor our contract but not wanting my mom and cousin to feel stressed about finances. 

This is supposed to be a happy time and all of a sudden I am feeling the stress and frustration that I have been able to mostly avoid for the past 14 months.  If I had to deal with this stuff, couldn't it have been much earlier and not 43 days before the wedding?!?

I understand 43 days seems like a long time, but it's really not when you throw in working full time and being a single mom to a teenage freshmen!  In March alone I already have 16 days filled with appointments of some kind - both personal, doctor and wedding related. 

And Tuesday I pretty much just cried all day long - because of my Grandma, because of the stress of all the wedding stuff left to do, because of the stress of moving into Mr Fix It's place and all the life change and emotions that it brings with it.  While I am excited, I am also mourning the loss of my 'freedom' by living on my own and mourning the loss of the city I have loved for almost 20 years now.  Even though I am moving only about 25 minutes away, the city I live in and the one Mr Fix It lives in are night and day!  It's going to be a serious adjustment for me to get used to. 

Seriously - I am getting over this real fast.  I called Mr Fix It and told him to get ready for the full waterfall at any moment.  I am sure it is coming at some point.  (sigh)

DOUBLE DIGITS!

Holy crap! Tomorrow marks 99 days until our wedding day! So that means today marks 100 days and on top of that, it's my 100th post!  Woo-hoo!  Much to celebrate.  I can't believe after over a year we have hit the double digits in the countdown! So exciting...and still so much going on. It's just so crazy to think about the fact that we have so much done and still so much left to do in the planning process.

I love this pic...it's of 99 Luft Balloons...remember that ole tune?  But I like it more cuz it is in the shades of our wedding colors - sort of...turquoise and cranberry. 

Source

And this one...oh, what a fun reminder of our 99 day countdown...my Grandparents (who are hopefully going to be able to make it to the wedding) live off of route 99.  And I love that it says 'Begin.' 

Source

So here is my checklist of what's done and what's not (like you care, this is more a record keeper for me):

*  Venue and all major vendors (photog, video, florist, coordinator, DJ, caterer, hair/makeup stylist, seamstress, video equipment rentals, officiant, rental items, ceremony guitarist, photobooth) all booked/reserved and deposits paid!  See that list on the right side for all my amazing vendors!
*  Ceremony written:  Still need to have one or two more pre-marital counseling sessions with our pastor to finalize the ceremony details but I have a script mostly written with everything pretty much done.  Hoping Mr Fix It will write at least a few short words or vows to say but we'll see how he does with that.
*  My gown, bridesmaid gowns, flower girl dress and shoes and jewelery/accessories all purchased and received.  Alterations begin next week and only need to get the FG some little white shoes.
*  Tuxedos all selected.  Just need all the guys to go into their local Men's Wearhouse to get fitted and pay for their tuxes in the next couple months.
*  Song selections:  Ceremony is pretty much set but still need to come up with grand entrance, cake cutting, garter toss songs and a suggested playlist of some of our faves for the DJ.  Also need to sit down with the DJ to finalize the details and timeline.
*  Cake:  UGH!  Don't get me started...we think we finally settled on a simpler design that should not be difficult for an 'at home' baker to make for us.  Now we might have a family friend bake the cake and ask our caterer for a credit since it was originally included in our package.  Mr Fix It needs to build the stand for the cake we want because even though it is mostly just simple round cake layers, it still sits in an offset stand that the bakers said we'll have to construct ourself.  We have decided something like this:

But with some decorations and colors like these on each layer:

*  Almost all major little purchases done and received!  I have the favors, favor boxes, favor tags (did 'em myself with sis' help), table numbers (another DIY), votive candles, guest book, toasting flutes, flip flops, cake serving set, memorial table vases, bridesmaid gifts, escort cards, This Way to the Wedding sign, etc all packed away in my little hiding place.  Still need to get the M&M's (last minute), ring bearer/FG/Groomsmen gifts, unity cross and gift card box (the last two I am hoping will be gifts I'll receive at my shower - I dropped a few hints to some friends who asked what they could get me).  See all the little 'label' tags over there on the right if you want to go back and look at any of these items.
*  Special surprise for the guests:  This is the biggest project I've been working on (for many months) and I am hoping to finalize it in the next month or so.  Can't wait to share it with all of you!
*  Rings:  Purchased and sized.  Will have cleaned the week before the wedding.
*  Invites:   Received final mockup this week and everything looks good!  Placed order for final box of invites and when they arrive in a couple weeks, I'll have to get them all assembled and ready for mailing the first week of February!
*  Other stationery items:  Working on some little things like menu cards, bar menu cards, signs for the guest book table/flip flop basket/escort card table.  Stationery lady will be designing our seating cards soon along with the programs.  I have the program all written out...just need to finalize a few details and the design.  She's also making some 'seating chair cards' for us to place at the ceremony for reserved guests/rows.  Some things like this:

Source:  Serendipity Design

*  Miscellaneous:  Waiting for my white parasol to arrive any day now.  Also ordered personalized postage stamps for our invitations.  Finalizing our monogram/GOBO light design :) 
*  Escort cards:  Will have to do seating charts and final escort card stickers in the final 2 weeks.
*  Honeymoon:  Tickets bought and Mr Fix It is supposed to be looking into car rentals and hotel reservations.  Yeah, right.
*  Flowers:  Have a lot of great ideas...some set in stone, some not.  Meeting with florist to do a mockup table of the centerpiece ideas in the next month or so.  Will continue to meet to finalize bouquet and bout ideas.
*  Gift registries:  Have an online honeymoon registry set up through http://www.honeyfund.com/ and will be registering at Bed, Bath & Beyond and Macy's this month. 
*  Dance lessons:  Started looking around getting ideas.  Now just have to narrow it down and set up the first lessons this month!  Have some song selections and dance style ideas but Mr Fix It I am sure will have something to say about my ideas...he always does.  We are already disagreeing on what each of our ideas of a 'swing' dance should be!
*  Caterer:  Need to finalize our menu selection.  We know we're doing tri-tip and a chicken dish and a fruit and cheese and cracker display with two hot passed hors d'oeuvres but haven't finalized the deets yet.

Well, there's my pretty detailed list of where we're at.  I have several meetings coming up this month and next with the vendors to finalize our ideas and timelines and such.  Also have lots of little things we won't be able to do until the last month like getting our license, moving in to Mr Fix It's place, shower and bachelor/bachelorette party, getting insurance certs and liquor licenses, etc.

Whew!  Time to sing...99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer...maybe I should change it to champagne?  Or wine?  :)