Wed recap: My biggest fear almost realized!

Ok, so to officially get the wedding recaps underway (I'll still have some honeymoon recaps mixed in sometimes, too), I wanted to start with what happened on the morning of the wedding...or rather, I should start with the night before the wedding at bedtime:

I had wanted to get to bed at a decent hour.  We had to be at the venue by 7:45 am and it was going to be a long day!  I didn't end up getting into bed until like 10 pm or so.  And then I laid there for a while before I finally fell asleep.  My bestie, BM L from Idaho had flown in that day and was sharing the room with me.  I tried not to keep her awake.  I wasn't going to chance taking even half of an Ambien because my reaction the night before left me feeling a little nauseous and icky in the morning and I definitely didn't want that on the wedding day.  Well, no such luck!

I finally fell asleep and then woke up hours later.  When I glanced at the clock, it was only 3:30 am!!! What the heck?!?  Seriously?  Didn't the sleeping gods know that I *needed* to get a good night's rest on this of all nights?!?  Wasn't meant to be.  I laid there for the next several hours and never did fall back asleep.

We finally got out of bed about 5:30 am I think.  I was doing okay and even blogged a little sneak peek of my hanging wedding gown.  After showering, we packed everything into the cars and were getting ready to leave.  And I just was not feeling good...not at all!  (As a reminder, you can read all about why this was freaking me out so badly here when I originally shared my fainting spell tendencies.)

I sat down on the couch and my mom, bestie L and Little Miss (daughter) came over to me and asked how I was doing.  I told them I felt like I was going to pass out or puke.  I wasn't sure which one but I was not good.  I had put my feet up on the table to try to keep blood flowing well so I wouldn't pass out.  I grabbed a gatorade and they asked me if I needed anything else.  I told them I was so mad that I did *NOT* want to feel like this on my wedding day.  BM L tried to calm me down by rubbing my back.  What a sweetie...oh, here she is with me by the way:

So anyway...nothing was working.  I stuck my head between my knees and began praying "Lord, please just let me feel good on this day...please!"

We got into the car and made a quick stop at Starbucks where we got me a muffin and some oatmeal to try to help ease my anxiety and tummy or whatever the hell it was that was ailing me.  Just to be safe, we brought a blow up air mattress and blanket for me to lay on at the venue if I needed it.  We stopped to pick up my BM cousin E on the way and then before I knew it, we were there.

As soon as we arrived, I was in heaven!  I was so excited to be at my venue on the wedding day.  It was a little cloudy but the sun was peeking in and out.  My hair and makeup artist was there and already mostly set up ready to begin so we threw BM E into the chair and had her start straight away.

While that was going on, we unpacked the car...we had brought with us:

*  The steamer that my seamstress let us borrow to steam the dresses as needed.  (Which I blogged about while we steamed dresses)

*  An ice cooler full of drinks (water, gatorade) and snacks, veggies, fruits and sandwiches and such to keep us all (but mostly me) eating throughout the morning and for lunch.

*  My gifts for the BM's (they already received everything but the parasols by this point)

*  My special surprise sign for Mr Fix It that his nephew, one of our Ring Bearers would carry down the aisle

*  All the extras you need on your big day:  The marriage license, rings, makeup, garter, shoes, jewelry, undies/bras, my Victoria's Secret gel inserts to give me some extra cleavage and extra copies of the ceremony script, Grand Entrance script, etc.

*  And of course, all the dresses which we hung as such:

(Notice the cute little black satin padded hangers with the little bows I gifted the girls for their dresses?  You can't see it in this pic but there is a little silver charm with each girl's initial tied onto the bow.  And that white one on the left is my reception dress.)

I had BM L jump in a car with me and drive up to the main entrance where we placed my 'This Way to the Wedding' sign out by the main gate.  Blogged about that, too and glad I did because my photographer did not get a shot of the sign set up. :)  The sun was out a little and pretty at this time.

Then my videographer arrived...yeah, at like 8:15 am when I had not planned on him arriving until noon!  I was so shocked and excited to see him and his wife there.  I told him where to park and he said he was going to start setting up and walking the property to familiarize himself with it. 

BM L and I headed back to the bridal cottage (prep area) where it was almost time for her to get her hair and makeup done.  While that was going on, BM cousin E helped me steam some of the girls' dresses.  All this prep stuff was a good thing...because it was keeping me busy and keeping me from thinking about being anxious or feeling dizzy.  As long as I was moving and had people around me keeping me talking and doing things, I was feeling good for sure!  And that's how the day went...but it didn't last the whole day.  Because unfortunately there were 'down' moments where everyone was running around me but I was left sitting in a chair by my lonesome.  Those moments allowed me to sit alone with my thoughts and start to get anxious and wonder if I'd pass out or not.  And so throughout the day, you'd hear me saying "Someone talk to me or give me something to do.  I'm gonna pass out if you don't keep me busy!"  Seriously...I was over it.

Here you see me sitting in a chair waiting for the guests to be seated so that the ceremony can start...these are some super fun shots of how crappy I looked when I was not feeling good (I have to thank BM cousin A for snapping them):

(Yeah, you can't really put your head between your knees with a wedding gown on!)

Aren't those just so great?  NOT!

More to come on this fun topic...but for now...

Today's tip:  Do what you can to get a good night sleep the night before, but if you want to try sleeping pills, test them first days or weeks before the big day to see how you react to them. 

Being the 3rd wife...

Yes, I am the third wife.  Or at least I will be come April 16th.  Bet you didn't know that?  Though I have a 15 year old daughter (well, turning 15 in February), and am a single mom, I've never been a wife.  My daughter's father and I lived together but never married.  And at 26, I was engaged, planned most of the wedding, and then broke off the relationship right before I dropped the invitations in the mail.  So I've been close...had the 'family,' but never a marriage.

Though wedded bliss will be totally new to me, it is not so new to Mr Fix It.  He has been married before...twice.  The first time he was married I refer to as the 'shotgun marriage' that didn't count.  Mr Fix It moved to Australia in his late 20's and met a woman there.  I think he only lived there for like 3 months before moving back to the states.  But for whatever reason, he married that girl.  I can't even remember what type of wedding they had...I think he said they did a civil type ceremony and then had a 'reception' for the family back home.  Anyway, for whatever reason, she ended up moving back to Australia and they had a long distance marriage for over a year I think.  Mostly phone calls.  Then he met his second wife and eventually got divorced from the Australian.

With his second wife, they dated for three years and then were married for six.  She ended up having an affair - Mr Fix It never confirmed it but there were comments from her co-workers about her spending a lot of time with a man at work.  Mr Fix It asked her to stop spending so much time with him and then while he was away once she told him she was hanging out with friends at his house, got drunk and slept on his couch.  That didn't go over well.  They had a lot of problems regarding communication - she was physically distant which led to him being emotionally distant and the relationship just crumbled.  One day when Mr Fix It was out of the country, he returned to find that she had moved out.  Later, he found out that she ended up marrying the man he assumed she was sleeping with.

As a Christian, Mr Fix It was devastated by the divorce.  He went into a very deep depression for many, many months.  I met him about a year after their separation when a friend encouraged him to start dating again and he signed up on http://www.match.com/.  They were just signing the divorce papers when he and I started dating. 

Needless to say, it's strange to think of myself as a 'third wife.'  It doesn't really mean much to me since I've never been married, but I know that Mr Fix It will probably bring in a lot of doubts and fears from his past experiences.  Though he knows I am a completely different person than his ex-wife, he also struggled to decide whether or not to marry again.  This is why I *never* brought up the subject of marriage during our dating relationship.  He would talk to me about it and say that if we ever got married and something happened to where we divorced, that would be it for him...he'd never marry again.  I would lovingly tell him that I never plan to divorce so he would be stuck with me forever.  :)

He used to tell me that he was secretly 'testing' me to see whether or not I was marriage material.  Though I sometimes felt like I should be offended by that kind of comment, I also knew that this was part of his emotional baggage from two failed marriages.  But finally, when we had been together for almost 5 years, he decided to pop the question.  It was so special to me...it meant he knew that this was it for good.  And I knew it, too. 

On our wedding day, we'll have been together for six years.  I'll be 37 years old and Mr Fix It will be 47.  We have been through a ton of relationship issues, dysfunction and mistakes on both of our parts in our past.  And I think that if we had met 10 years ago, we never would be getting married...for it's the path we've walked and the lessons we've learned that have grown and matured us to become the people we are today.  The people who truly recognize and appreciate the good in each other and also have compassion and grace towards the faults in each other. 

I have no doubt that we will be together forever...we share a lot of the same values, politics, beliefs, faith and we have learned to work at communicating with honesty, respect and love.  We are not perfect, we have our moments of failure and fights.  But we also are humble enough to be willing to change and apologize and to sacrifice and compromise for one another.  I have never known a love like this and though Mr Fix It is nothing like the man I would have expected to end up with, thanks to God, he is everything I never knew I needed in a husband. 

I am so excited to be his third (and final) wife.  I can't wait to have him as my first and only husband.

What about all of you?  Any of you dealing with past marriage or relationship issues or fears that you've had to work through on your way to the altar?

And what if he escapes! Oh my!

Llamas and zebras and tigers - OH MY! 

So this week's posts seem to be geared more towards our venue...probably because yesterday I got to take some of my FIL's to see it in person (they were in town from Sacramento).  And in a week I'll be meeting there with my caterer and coordinator to spend a long, fun filled morning doing the walk through and discussing all the logistics. 

It was fun getting to take my future sis-in-law there yesterday.  She has three kids and two of them, my soon to be nephews of 3 and 5 years old, are going to be ring bearers.  So I was excited to show her and the bro-in-law not only the venue but the private zoo on the property. 

The zoo is filled with exotic and endangered animals that are mostly rescued animals.  The two zebras that were there about 13 months ago when we originally booked the venue have unfortunately passed away.  But just this past November, they were able to find a new momma and her baby, Ziddle and Zaddle.  Check them out:

Super cute, aren't they?  The guests will love being able to visit these two up close and personal.  There's also lots of wildcats (small ones), birds, and even llamas on the property.  But the main attraction?  The big feature?  The creme de la creme of this place?  It is definitely the two white tigers and two bengal tigers that are housed in cages just opposite each other at the main entrance of the zoo path.  Here are the two bengal tigers...they're opening their Christmas gifts a few weeks ago.

Seriously, what do you get a tiger for a gift?  I think he got screwed as that box looks pretty empty to me.  You can see the white tigers opening gifts by clicking here.

Real cute, aren't they? Yeah well, not so much actually.  The fact is, there is one bengal tiger that is ferociously mean!  And I mean scary mean!  When Mr Fix It and I went to see him, I stood about 10-15 yards back from the cage while Mr Fix It decided to try to growl at him right up against the cage - yeah, Mr Fix It is kind of an idiot sometimes.  He thinks he's being silly, I say idiotic.  Anyway, the tiger got right up against the fence and growled the gnarliest growl at him.  I jumped back and so did Mr Fix It.  Here's a little sample of that sucker in action with someone else who got some video of how friendly he is:

So as excited as I am to have this great little zoo available to our guests, I am also definitely thinking they better keep those tiger cages nice and secure come wedding day...I really don't want my wedding to turn in to an episode of 'When Animals Attack.' 

Thankful Thursdays # 4 (Helping ease my fears)

What's your biggest fear come wedding day?  For me, it's not about the flowers not arriving or the cake falling over...no, my biggest fear about my wedding is being one of those brides who faints on the altar.  And I'm not kidding, I'm notorious for it.

Source

It started in 3rd grade when I first passed out because I was overly anxious about making it to the championship spelling bee that day.  Then I next fainted at work when I was 22 and pregnant with my daughter.  I've twice fainted due to sudden extreme pain (I slipped on concrete and then pulled a serious neck muscle).  Once I passed out when I have been overly active and in excessive heat...yes, I need to hydrate more.

But this past July 26th was the worst time yet...while at a friend's baby shower in Laguna Beach I suddenly felt very ill and went to use the restroom.  I had been eating, drank a soda and a small bottle of water and was only in the sun for about 90 minutes...I was saying my good-byes with the fiance when I excused myself to use the restroom before we walked off to the car.  And then it happened...

I passed out while standing in line for the bathrooms and fell smack dab onto my face and the concrete while wearing my Serengetti sunglasses.  Next thing I knew I woke up to a lifeguard asking me if I was okay.  I told them I just passed out and directed them to my friends and fiance.  6 stitches later and almost 48 hours later I had a huge black eye and now a scar right under my eyebrow. 

So why am I blogging about this as a Thankful Thursdays post?  Well, because the one thing I am so very thankful for come wedding day are my bridesmaids!  They consist of my baby sister, two cousins, best friend, daughter and my mentor.  I told my bridesmaid (who was hosting the shower) that her job on wedding day will be to keep me from passing out during the day.  One of the reasons I asked the ladies that I did to stand up with me on wedding day was because they all know me so well...they make me laugh, know why I cry.  They know what a stress case I can be and know that I need to constantly be eating a little throughout the day.  They know how my mind works and what will make me relax and what will make me worry on the big day.  So I am so thankful to have them there to keep me grounded, focused, relaxed and laughing throughout the festivities.  For without them, I may just pass out at the altar!

Could you imagine if this had happened to me closer to (or God forbid ON) the wedding day?  I would be devastated!

So what are your wedding day fears?

More blog love!

So thankful to Bicoastal Bride, Miss Pug, New Mexican Bride and NuFlaiir for recognizing me on their blogs with a lovely new award.  I hate to admit I received it a while ago and have not gotten around to posting it, but here goes.

Rules: list 10 things that make you happy. Then, pass it on to 10 bloggers that make your day a better one!

1.  My daughter, Jordan Kaylie. 

That is a horrible pic of me but a super cute one of her from when she competed in the National American Miss Pageant this past August.  She's 14, a freshmen in  high school (God help me) and super athletic and smart.  I am so blessed and so proud to have such a beautiful, fun and talented daughter who loves Jesus!

2.  My fiance, Mr Fix It.

I am so blessed to have this man in my life and am thrilled beyond belief that he has chosen to make me his wife just four short months from now!  It's so crazy to think that after 37 years, I have finally met someone who is everything I ever needed but never would have expected for myself.  :)  Funny how the Lord works in mysterious ways.  I can't imagine my life without him...the thought of that just makes me nauseous. 

3.  My family.

 

My mother and my baby sister are daily parts of my life.  If we do not see each other, we speak on the phone.  We live within 15 minutes of each other and are constantly together.  My sister keeps me laughing always and my mother makes me feel grounded and established.  The three of us 'Campbell' girls have been a strong unit for our entire lives and happiness just isn't the same without them contributing to it.

4.  My job (and my boss).

No pic for this one...just the recognition that I am truly blessed by an unbelievably amazing boss and a job I have been at for 7 1/2 years now.  This job came to me via some serious hardships but God was so good in how He worked everything out for the best for me.  Because of this job, I was able to finally gain financial independence as a single mom, pay for this wedding without going into debt, take family vacations for the first time each year, work only 4 1/2 days a week and have the freedom to leave when I need to so that I can be at my daughter's school and sporting events and just overall live a stress free life without the worry of overtime and anxiety.  This job is what allows me to blog and read all day long and to plan our wedding without the stress of not having enough time for everything.  :)

5.  Jesus and the Bible.

Ok, this one should be number one, but God knows that without Him, nothing would be possible in my life.  For all of my fears and failures and faults, Jesus has been right there through every one of them correcting me, encouraging me, loving me...I am by no means perfect but I am perfect in His eyes.  I thank Him daily for what I don't deserve but am blessed with and remind myself daily to live my life in a way that honors Him.  My biggest hope for our wedding is that it will overflow with the name and love of Jesus and that our guests will know Him more personally through the ceremony and elements of our marriage and vows.

6.  The blogosphere

When I found my way into the blogosphere just a few short months ago I never would have dreamed of having 74 fellow blogger friends following along with me as I spill out my thoughts and ideas.  I am so grateful for this new medium and how happy it makes me to know I have 'someone' out there who can relate to me on some level. 

7.  The internet.

What would I have done without the internet?  Thanks to my job, I am able to browse online all day long and have made almost every one of my bookings and purchases for the wedding based on web sites I found.  I do all my Christmas shopping online and have everything come to me!  I am able to keep track of everything with e-mail and come up with all kinds of inspiration and ideas just from typing in a few words into Google.  Love it!

8.  TV.

I hate to admit I am a tv addict in many respects.  The funny thing is, I don't really watch a ton of tv when I am at home.  I actually watch it mostly at work!  Isn't that bad?  But my job (my amazing dream job as I mentioned above) is not really a full time job even though as an executive assistant my boss requires me to be in the office for 4 1/2 days a week.  So most of the day, I am just sitting around by myself in an empty office without anything to do.  Therefore, I do most of my tv viewing from the internet thanks to the networks new web sites that offer full episodes online.  I admit that I watch shows online I would normally never watch at home.  Things like the City, the Hills, Desperate Housewives, etc. But my absolute faves that I *do* watch at home are probably Lost, the Colbert Report, How I Met Your Mother, anything wedding related, and Bones.

9.  Cooking.

I love to cook and am a self taught chef thanks to the Food Network!  With the internet and cable in today's day and age, just about anyone can learn just about anything and DIY.  Cooking included.  My fiance thinks I'm a great cook and my mom refers to me as a 'gourmet' cook...that's a little overboard.  She's just shocked because I cook with mostly fresh ingredients and not things out of a can like she did when we were growing up.  :)

10.  Sleep!

Sleep makes me SO happy...unfortunately, in my late 30's, my body has decided it doesn't need much sleep and I am usually not in bed until 11 pm or later and then I usually cannot sleep past 5 or 6 am regardless of whether or not I set an alarm! UGH!  How I miss the days of my twenties when I could sleep until 11 am!  That is until my daughter was born of course.

So there you have it...10 things that make me truly, utterly happy.  As far as passing this award on, I would like to give it to my 10 most recent followers as every single follower makes me so so happy!  I love finding new blogs to stalk and knowing there are some out there who find I have something worth reading as well.  :)