How to announce you're engaged!

So a fellow blogger friend asked me if I had any ideas on how to announce via today's technology that you're engaged.  I was flattered she wanted my opinion and thought I'd share a few quick thoughts I came up with off the top of my head.  And plus, by putting it out here to you lovely ladies maybe you'll have some ideas of your own!

1)  I am a big fan of videos.  With today's technology it's easy to quickly edit together a movie trailer, slide show, or little skit about the story of your relationship or announcing your engagment or wedding.  Many people are using sites like their blogs and YouTube to send out Save the Dates.  I'm sure you've seen a few of these throughout the blogosphere:

2)  If you don't have the time, software or knowledge to do something like that though you can always use free sites like photobucket.com or slide.com to create a simple slideshow of photos with captions.  Or get even more creative and actually make signs to hold up in your photos.  I quickly threw together this mini slideshow in Photobucket for an example.  You could post this on your blog or e-mail the link to friends and family. You could take it a step further by typing something like this in the e-mail:

You can't run!

You can't hide!

From the relationship that just.......won't......DIE!!!!

The Story of Us

Stacey & John are ENGAGED!

Coming soon to a church near you...

Stay tuned....

3)  Another idea is if you have a niece or a friend's daughter you know you will want to ask to be your flowergirl.  You could take a photo of her throwing flower petals in the air and write a caption over the photo (or put a sign in the photo with her) that says "I'm going to be a flowergirl in Aunt Jenn's wedding!"    E-mail (or mail) the photo out to friends and family and maybe even write the story of the proposal in the e-mail.  You can do something like this with just about anything:  Pets, children, friends or even the happy couple.  Just have them hold up photos and create a photo strip or 'card' spelling out the exciting news.

4)  Along the lines of the slideshow above, you can use a site like http://www.shutterfly.com/ to create an online photo album where you can write out your love story next to the photos.  Send the link to family and friends with a note that says "We created a fun online photo album that we wanted to share with you."  Then next to the pics put things like "Here's us on our cruise to Mexico."  "Here's the first time John ever told me he loved me."  The very last one will be a pic of you two with your engagement ring or with him on one knee proposing and you write out "And here's John proposing to me!  And now we're engaged!"

5)  Sites like theknot.com and jibjab.com also have these silly e-videos you can create by uploading a photo of yourself and framing your face in it.  They then put your faces on someone else's body and have you doing a silly dance or something like that.  You can e-mail the link to the e-video to friends and family or embed it on your blog as a silly way to announce your engagement!  Here's some silly examples I quickly created:

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

6)    Sites like http://www.motionbox.com/ allow you to upload videos and send them as e-cards to people.  Using a web cam, video cam on your photo camera or cell phone or an actual video camera, you can create a simple video message, skit or whatever and then upload it to these sites and add messages to e-mail to friends and family.

Using a site like onfuego.com (a little more risque but totally usable), you can do something like this where those who view your card can even leave comments about it:

http://www.onfuego.com/sample-video-ecard

7)  One of my FAVORITE simple e-card announcements is this one from bluemountain.com:  http://www.bluemountain.com/display.pd?prodnum=3103161&path=83058

So, what do you think?  I just quickly tried to throw these ideas together...what are some ways you announced your engagement or suggestions for Jenn on how to use technology to do so?  We actually told most of our family and friends over the phone or in person.  But for those we don't see as often, we created a wedding website and then sent an e-mail out to all our friends and family telling them to check out our new site.  It had all the info and stories about our relationship, proposal, etc.  Check it out here:  http://www.staceyandjohn.weddingwindow.com/.  The plus to this feature is that I can use it to collect RSVP's for all kinds of wedding related events and on the back administrative end of it, I am able to keep track of things like addresses for guest lists, budgets, to-do lists, vendor contact info, etc.

The long and short of it...engagements that is

The topic has come up several times on the blogs and it appears that most of the brides bios I read have wedding dates that are several months and even years down the road. So what is a good length for an engagement period? In today's economy, many a couple find themselves needing to postpone wedding plans or draw out engagement periods in order to get a job, save money, pay down bills, etc. No one wants to go into debt just to have a wedding and it is certainly not a great way to start off a marriage.  Yet once that ring hits the finger, most couples are dying to get the marriage license next week!

A girlfriend of mine just got engaged a few months ago. I asked her if she had an idea of when the big day would be and she said they're hoping for November.  That meant she would have been planning her entire wedding in less than 3 months...probably more like 2. It's doable but I don't recommend it. And of course, being that I'd been engaged for 8 months at that point and my big day was still over 7 months away (now it's only 4 months!), I have to admit, I had a slight twinge of jealousy that she was going to get married before me. And I hate to also admit that I am a bit reluctant to share any of my ideas with her for fear that she will implement them all and by the time my wedding rolls around the guests we had in common will have seen it all before and think I stole my ideas from her! :)

So what are the pros and cons? Long or short? What's your opinion and what is your reasoning behind your decision?

Long: You get to take all the time in the world to come up with ideas, research them, fine tune them and feel confident that you didn't have to make any rushed decisions.

Short: You don't have to stress for a year worrying about little details and obsessing about colors and favors while driving your family and friends nuts with all your wedding chatter. You make your decision/purchase and it's done.

Long: You can bargain hunt, scan for sales and negotiate. You have the luxury of time on your side so if you don't like a price, you can walk away and know that you can take your time looking for another option. And, no rush charges!

Short: You can sometimes get last minute deals because vendors and venues want to fill in unbooked spots. They'd much rather take a deal where they are not getting full price than let a date go empty and not get anything at all.

Long: You can save money for what you really want and not have to settle because you can't afford things right now. And you have the luxury of taking the next year (or two) to look for discounted items throughout seasonal times of the year. I found flip flops as favors for my guests on sale because I was able to wait and buy them at the very end of the summer for our wedding the following spring.

Short: Your fiance will be much happier because he doesn't have to deal with wedding appointments, decisions and details for that long. Most grooms are not-into-details and will repeatedly say "It's your day." They are looking forward to the honeymoon more than anything so the sooner it comes, the better!

Long: Plenty of time for things like alterations, dress shipping times, custom orders for invitations to be filled, invitations to go out, etc. And if you are a DIY kinda gal, you can make just about everything you want to for the big day.

Short: You will be spending every waking free moment handling all the little things you never knew went into planning a wedding. But if you are a fly by the seat of your pants, get it done now, multi-tasking wizard who can rush out and pick up 5 different things in less than 2 hours, then you will probably enjoy the hurriedness of these precious few months. Also helps to have a large family or bridal party who you can delegate to.

Long/Short: Honeymoons...travel is fickle, sometimes it's good to book way in advance and get deals...but other times they offer last minute deals for those who can throw everything in a suitcase and jump on a plane in a day. If you don't know where you want to go yet and you have no idea what these things cost, you might want to lengthen your engagement.

Ultimately, there's no right or wrong choice and it truly is dependent upon each couple's needs and desires. I know I have thrown a wedding in 3 months in the past, helped throw my best friend's and sisters in 6 months each, and am now taking almost 16 months hosting our own big event. I am enjoying it much more and feel so relaxed. My girlfriend who got married in less than 6 months mentioned that she wished she would have taken more time to think things through and enjoy it during her own planning process. I always say: You are only engaged for a short period of time so milk it for everything it's worth...the marriage will last a lifetime.

Pre-marital counseling...why every couple should participate

Disclaimer: This is a little longer than usual, but I feel it is an extremely important issue regarding engaged couples. Enjoy :)

So being raised in a Christian home and church, it was very important to my fiance and I to have a Christ centered wedding ceremony. Since I am very involved in my local church community and have volunteered working with youth and young adults for almost 10 years now, I have gotten to know the staff and pastors extremely well. But when it came time for us to decide who would officiate our ceremony, I knew I wanted someone who knew me personally but would also click with my fiance whom he didn't know. My junior/high school pastor from over 20 years ago is only a couple years older than my fiance and they share so many of the same interests. They both have personalities that just click so well and I absolutely LOVE Lyle so I was thrilled when he agreed to marry us. Of course, most Christian pastors will insist that couples go through approximately 6 months of pre-marital counseling or mentoring in preparation for the big day.

If you know anything about this, it can take many shapes and forms and honestly, my honey was opposed to it being that he has been married before and he just felt like it was an unnecessary waste of time. But of course, Lyle insisted and so we eased John into it...and I did in fact want it as well. The point is to get you both seeing and thinking from the other's persepectives and thinking about things that as a dating couple you don't consider will change when you are a married couple. Things like how to raise your children, how to integrate your spiritual faith, how to handle money issues, where to live, who will cook and clean, who will be the main bread winner, etc? Simple things that seem so silly but are really life altering and affecting issues.

To start off, we took an online test that assesses each of you individually and as a couple. Each person takes the test at your leisure and then your pastor gets the results and reviews them with you. I asked him if he has ever turned anyone away after seeing their results and he said he's definitely had some issues with some couples not meshing well.

The results of the test provide you with percentages that reflect your relationship strengths and weaknesses...the main point is to get you talking honestly and effectively to work on the weak areas and celebrate the strengths between you. The categories are things like Communication, Spiritual Beliefs, Relationship Roles, Family & Friends, Sexual Expectations, Leisure Activities, Financial Mgmt, & Conflict Resolution. The test asks questions with rating scale type answers: Sometimes, Rarely, Never, etc.

Our scores were definitely weak in some areas like Financial Mgmt (only 40%) but we scored 100% in Communication, Family/Friends & Spiritual Beliefs. And we did okay in Conflict Resolution. So our pastor was really pleased to see that we communicate and respect each other well. For me, it wasn't anything that was going to make or break our relationship but rather a way to affirm that we are on the right path and truly work to make our relationship successful.

It also tests things like each person's assertiveness, confidence, avoidance, dominance, etc. We both scored very low in avoidance and dominance which means that we don't feel like the other tries to control us and we are willing to confront issues between us. The test also measures things like stress levels and flexibility as well as how close and connected you feel to each other.

Now don't get me wrong, no test is ever 100% fail-proof. But I truly enjoyed it and in our next pre-marital counseling session later this month, we will be discussing the issue of finances since we scored so low on that as a couple.

If you are interested, the test we took and more information about how to participate and use it if you would like can be found by clicking here. There is a small fee involved but it is so worth it!

So...what are your thoughts on this? Have any of you begun this part of your pre-wedding process and what has your experience been so far?

Would you risk your life for a picture?!?

Well, Mr. Fix It thought we should.  Ugh!  So we took our engagement pics at the Montage Resort in Laguna Beach (yes, where the MTV show was filmed).  They have some great gardens, beaches, and artsy walls and such to shoot around.  We hadn't planned on doing an e-pic session but I really wanted some photos of us and my girlfriend is working as a wedding photog's assistant and offered to take them for us for free.  She wanted some experience behind the camera - score for us!

We had a lot of fun with her and her hubby and another girlfriend of mine.  They touched up my hair and makeup, held up the light reflector and generally just made us laugh and whistled at us as we smooched.  I highly recommend this type of session for you gals as it is super fun and actually romantic. 

Anyway, Mr. Fix It is afraid of heights.  Funny from such a tough guy but he is.  Now it doesn't mean he won't do a lot of stuff, it just means that when we are up high, he is very nervous and won't always walk to the edge of a mountain we are hiking or whatever.  But on this particular day, he decided that just below one of the places we were standing for pics, there was an amazing little cliff that we could get some great shots off of.  Here's what it looked like getting to the 'spot' he thought would be great - what you can't see is that on the other side of that little brush area he is trying to coax me over to is a little ledge about a foot or so wide...and then a huge drop to the rocks and ocean below!

Disclaimer:  There's some gratuitous kissing in this short little video :)

I have to admit, as freaked out as I was, we got some of my fave shots of the day at this location:

And right after we were done and hopped back over the fence, some staff members from the resort came down and told us we weren't supposed to be on those cliffs and that's why they have a fence up.  Oops.  Alright, so let's hear it...is there anything you did (or would be willing to do) in order to get a great shot?

Our proposal on one of the saddest days of my life

I was never one of those girls to want to start questioning her boyfriend as to when 'we were gonna get married' or start talking about marriage. I just always trusted that God would work it out if it was meant to be...though after almost 5 years together, I was starting to get antsy.

October, 2008 was a turning point in our relationship. In Cabo, he told me he loved me for the very FIRST time after having dated for almost 5 years!  Wait, I need to do a little time out from the proposal story:

What I love most about him is the fact that he told me in the beginning of our dating relationship that he would never tell another woman he loved her until he was ready to put a ring on her finger. I began telling John I loved him a few years ago, but I never wanted him to say it back. The day he finally said I love you to me (which was in October, 2008 in Cabo), I knew that we were going to be together forever. I never needed to hear the words from him...John always lets me know how much he loves me with his actions and in subtle ways that God has allowed me to appreciate so deeply.

Us in Cabo (Oct 2008) visiting the wedding chapel...

little did we know we'd be looking for venues only 2 months later!

So anyway, in Cabo, while walking down the beach with not another soul around (except for the person who took this picture right before we started our stroll) he told me he loved me for the very first time and he also shared that he could completely envision spending his life with me. One night after we returned from Cabo, while we were cuddling watching tv, John simply said to me: "So I guess we should start looking at wedding venues probably." In his own way, it was how he let me know that the proposal was forthcoming.

In some ways I feel like John proposed several times because over the next few weeks, John would often bring up wedding comments and talk of me being his wife soon. He started talking about remodeling his home to prepare for me and my daughter, Jordan moving in and stuff like that. I would nod or smile or make a simple comment in response but didn't really make a huge issue of it. However, within a month I started booking appointments at wedding venues for us to start trying to get together a timeline and budget needs. And in December we began to shop for wedding rings.

A lot of our family started asking why we were making these plans without officially being engaged, but I knew that we were heading towards the inevitable question so it didn't bother me.

Christmas morning 2008: John knew that my mom and I were pretty bummed about the fact that we were going to be spending the first Christmas of our entire lives away from my sister, Julie. I mean I was really sad.  In my 36 years I had spent the 34 years that I had my baby sister with her on every single holiday of our entire lives!  And to top it off, my Grandma, who is always with us on Christmas morning was getting tired in her 93rd year and had decided to spend Christmas morning in her own home. So we spent a much quieter Christmas morning with just my mom, John, Jordan and I.

As we started to open stockings, John directed me to a box of Godiva chocolates he brought with him. He told me to open them because he bought them for me (he prefers See's Candy over Godiva). When I opened the box, I noticed a note wrapped around something. I unwrapped the note and out popped a ring. The note was short but sweet; it simply read:

I love you and you're always so sweet to me. We have so much fun together so why not spend a lifetime like this? Will you marry me?

I knew the proposal was coming (I mean we had already shopped for rings) so I didn't think I'd be too emotional, but suddenly I found myself completely choked up with tears rolling down my cheeks. My mom looked over at me and asked me why I was crying. I held up my hand with the ring on it and she immediately started getting choked up and fighting back tears. As I looked at John and leaned to kiss him I think I managed to squeeze out the words "Of course" but they sure didn't come easy since I could barely speak.

My beautiful ring:

My mom thanked John for letting her be a part of the experience and he told me later that he really wanted to make sure my family and specifically Jordan was a part of the proposal. Of course, my sister was not happy when I texted her an image of the ring on my finger and she realized that the first Christmas she had ever been away from her family her big sister gets proposed to - and she wasn't there!

Some pics right after the proposal on Christmas morning:

So the man of my dreams made the hardest Christmas in my life the most memorable one and I will be forever thankful to God for giving John the heart to provide me with a thoughtful and loving surprise.

Interviewing Potential Venues & Vendors (a Series)

You're engaged!  Congratulations!  People have been fawning over your gorgeous new ring, asking you when the big day will be and how he proposed and you just can't stop smiling.  You've cleared the local grocery or bookstore of all of their recent magazines having anything to do with weddings and have started saving all kinds of pictures of gowns, flowers, favors, etc.  You may have even started browsing the internet for local ceremony and reception venues.  But in reality, when it comes time to start planning and actually make some decisions and LOOK at things...well, it's time to wake up and smell the bridal stress! 

The fact is, most newly engaged brides have no idea about all of the details that are involved with planning a wedding.  They don't have a clue what questions to ask a photographer or DJ, they have no idea what a plated vs. buffet meal means and never realized that flowers (which grow freely in their own front yard) will be the most expensive budget item of the vendors they will hire apart from the food!

Now me, I'm an over-planning, overly controlling, detail-oriented, get 'er done, gather all the info, spend hours on the internet researching freak!  And so I went into this planning process fully prepared and knowing exactly what I wanted and who to go to in order to get it!  Those vendors were not prepared for me when I showed up with my huge binder and not only a ton of photos but a personally created excel page interviewing sheet with places for all kinds of notes and lots of rating and circle the appropriate answer fill-in questions.  They laughed at me, but they also respected me and knew they better have their stuff together!

So over at Blogger Brides, I answered a newly engaged bride's question as to what questions she should ask when visiting venues...I realized, I should just blog about this as I am sure many have this same type of question not only for the venues but for the vendors as well.  And thus, I am beginning a series of suggestions, questions and such that every bride should think about if not be prepared to ask when interviewing all of those special companies who will make her and the future hubby's dreams come true on the big day!
For the venue (of course this needs to be modified depending on whether you are having your ceremony and reception in the same location or two separate locations):

1) What are the limitations or restrictions (during different seasons, weekdays, etc)? Do they not allow weddings in December due to all of their holiday festivity goings-on?

2) What do they consider peak and off-peak times of the year, days, dates and hours? We booked on a Friday because our venue gave discounts for non-Saturday weddings.

3) How many people can you accommodate? What do you do if there is overflow? If you have 150 guests in a place that can only accommodate 100, don't waste your time! Some of the venues we looked at had to put guests in separate rooms where they could barely see during the ceremony or dinner and that was not acceptable to me.

4) Obviously - what's the overall cost, what deposit is due to hold date, when is balance due and what forms of payment do you accept? What do you charge for tax and gratuity and are they included? Are there any returned security deposits? Our venue holds a separate $1500 sec dep that they return as long as we leave the place clean and undamaged.

5) What are the restrictions regarding the activities you may want to include? Some places don't allow tossing petals (like in churches) or releasing doves. Some places restrict music outside after a certain time of night. Some don't have wheel chair access, etc.

6) What are your options for uncooperative weather conditions? If the ceremony happens outdoors and it rains, what do they offer as an alternate? For us, we can either pay to have a large canopy tent brought in over the ceremony area, or we would have to have the ceremony in the reception hall with the guests seated at their dinner tables (something I do NOT want to do).

7) Are any rental items required or not included? What are the additional costs? For our venue, we had to pay a HUGE venue rental fee and nothing is included. We had to pay for the rental of all items from tables, chairs, linens, dinner plates/serving items, heaters, etc.

8) Do they offer a coordinator or who runs the event for you? At my sister's wedding at a golf and country club, they had an event coordinator (or banquet coordinator) who helped us with running the ceremony, helping the DJ/Photographer/Videographer, etc with the timeline of when something was about to start (like toasts, bouquet toss, etc). But our venue offers NO ONE for assisting on the big day so we hired a day of wedding coordinator to run the show. She will do everything from helping pack up the gifts, setting out favors, our toasting flutes, etc to telling each bridal party member when it's their turn to walk down the aisle.

9) Do they have any restrictions about the rehearsal? What days and times will they let you in to rehearse for the wedding ceremony? For us, we have lots of out of town family in our wedding party so we needed to have our rehearsal on the Thursday night before our Friday wedding. But if you're getting married on Saturday and there is a Friday wedding, then you obviously won't be able to have your rehearsal the night before.

10) For catering/meals, there is a host of questions like what do they offer for vegetarians, do they offer children's meals, what's the difference in cost between buffet and served meals, what are the restrictions regarding alcohol, do they allow for a cash bar, is there a corking fee for wine or a cake cutting fee?

11) Is there a separate ceremony fee? If you are getting married at a golf club, they will charge one price for the reception and meal and then an additional price for the ceremony.

12) Do they have any restrictions on what vendors you can use for photography, DJ, bands, etc? Some venues require you to select from their preferred list of vendors. I didn't like that idea at all. Some may let you bring in vendors off their preferred list but you have to pay an additional fee!

13) Where do they set up the dance floor? How many people can it accommodate? Where does the DJ set up? If your DJ is stuck in the back corner of the room far from the dance floor and behind several dinner tables, you may not feel like he is able to 'get people going' and be part of the dancing.

14) Where do the bride and groom get ready? Do they have a room for you to wait in? What time or how early are you allowed to arrive on the wedding day and what time does the event have to be over by? Who handles clean up? Are there restrictions regarding photography/videography?

It's overwhelming I know and there's lots of questions, but these are all things most brides don't think about and then end up being disappointed about after they've already booked a venue! I always say the best plan of attack is being prepared. People laugh at me for being so 'overly anal' and detailed about this stuff, but it pays off in the end :)

** I made an excel sheet (it's pretty rough but gets the job done) of pages for each of the major types of vendors that I can print out and take with me as a 'fill-in-the-blank' questionnaire when I go on my appointments. If you'd like me to e-mail it to you, send me a message to jkr2995@aol.com

Engagement Pictures in Laguna Beach

So I have been DYING to post about our engagement session but was waiting until I had at least a couple of pics to share first. We were not going to do an engagement session being we are on a tight budget (not cheap - $35,000) but definitely tight for all we have going on and the venue (will post about that next week). But one of my old friends who has a passion for photography began working as an assistant to her own wedding photog. She has been wanting to get some experience under her belt and offered to do free engagment pics for us. Since we don't have very many professional pics of us and have not taken too many candid shots over our 5 year relationship, I was all over this!

She is getting me the final CD of almost 1000 images we took in 2 1/2 hours down at the beautiful Montage Resort in Laguna Beach, CA (yes, where the Hills and Laguna Beach MTV shows originated from...God help us all). I live about 10 minutes from there and think that show is so silly. Anyway, she didn't do any editing yet and has only grabbed a couple of quick sneak peeks for me since I was so antsy but I thought I would share a quick teaser with you all. What do you think?

I didn't think my honey would be too into the engagement pics. And I wasn't sure how he would be for posing in front of some of our close friends, but oh my gosh! He shocked me completely! He was SO sweet, romantic, fun and into it. He was giving us model poses and even telling ME where to put my hands and how to stand. And he wouldn't stop kissing me. I think I may need to make an engagement session a weekly thing. :) Can't wait to share more with you all.