Being in a new home with my daughter and now husband is really weird. It feels so nice and natural. But then when I am by myself I feel a bit freaked out sometimes. I feel a bit nauseous and nervous and scared. If you take out the 2 years I spent living with my daughter's father about 15 years ago, I have pretty much been living by myself (or with a girl roommate) for like 17 years! And being 37 and set in my ways with my own house has been a joy and a treasured lifestyle.
Even though Mr Fix It and I were together for 6 years before we got married just 18 days ago, we each had our own homes for the past 5+ years. We had our own way of doing things and our own stuff that fit nicely into our own places. But now, we are trying to fit a teenager and a woman into a bachelor's pad. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty nice and it is big enough, it just seems like it doesn't 'fit' yet.
I can't explain it. It's scary, exciting, romantic, exhausting, nervewracking, joyful and irritating all at once. :)
I guess I am in the adjustment phase. It's only been 3 days that we've been together in our new place. So far so good, but there have been little spats about where something will go or how messy my daughter's bathroom is with all her 'stuff' or how I don't like the sliding glass door open without having the screen door closed so bugs don't get in. (Mr Fix It has always left the screen door open for his dog, but now that he's gone, there's no need.)
Anyway, I just wanted to take the time to talk about the 'uncertain' and scary part of being newly married and newly living together. I don't really know how to organize my thoughts and feelings just yet. I am just letting them come, praying about them and trying to be honest and gentle about how I let them spill out. And it's hard too because Mr Fix It is dealing with the mourning and loss phase of losing his beloved pup still. So I am trying to be sensitive to his 'mood swings' and the fact that he is fighting off a depression. I know it sounds so strange but this dog was his child and he will definitely be feeling a since of 'aloneness' for a while.
But the husband and wife part...just learning how to share a tv, make room for someone else in the kitchen in the morning, and figuring out how to live with someone new...someone you are madly in love with...it's pretty difficult and yet makes you happy all at the same time.
Have any of you ever felt that way? Marriage is so weird...
Oh, and just so there's a photo thrown in here...here's a pic one of my girlfriends took on our wedding day of one of the white tigers at our venue. So pretty!
11 comments:
We have lived together for the past six years so being married isn't weird at all. I actually feel this sense of peace and comfort now. I hope that everything settles down and falls into place for you. The best advice I ever received from a friend was "choose your battles" what may be the end of the world to you, may be nothing to him so unless it is catastrophic, it really isn't worth fighting over.
Like Patience, Mr. Muscle and I have lived together for 4 years so when we get married, it isn't going to be weird. However, it was a little stressful when I first moved in with him since he was so territorial about his bachelor pad, but since we've now bought a place together, we started fresh with everything. Don't worry, it'll get better.
Kristian and I live together and have for the past year so i don't forsee much to be different after we're married except for maybe a few arguements on where to put all our wedding gifts :)
Living with your spouse is definitely an adjustment which is a big reason why I wanted to do it before we were married.
I'm sure you guys will find your footing soon.
Having just moved in with my fiance, I can attest that moving in is a big adjustment - I assume it's even moreso for you, since you are moving into *his* place which will now belong to both of you, and your daughter. Hang in there! In time I guarantee that the positives will outweigh the obstacles of the "getting used to" phase :)
I can imagine that this is a HUGE adjustment for you! M and I lived together for about a year and a half before we got married, so we didn't have any growing pains that way, but we are still getting used to calling each other "husband" and "wife" 2 months later. It's definitely different.
Hang in there, friend! I guarantee that you will get through it. I know that I did.
WONDERFUL picture BTW!
I'm sure that in a few weeks things will be smooth again. The fact that your guy is grieving at the moment is probably making things a little tougher but this will pass too. We have been living together for about a year now and the only problem is that this place is too small. There was a transition period initially but this passed quickly and we have enjoyed being together ever since.
Hang in there lady. All will be "normal" soon!
I hear you! we've been married for 11 months.. and its still soo new! I think this is why premarital counseling is soo vital, or even after you are married...but it will get easier..and feel more normal every day! you have embarked on a new journey !!!
It's always strange at the start of living with someone. Finding your groove and routine. Things are still crazy at the moment - but it will settle down. Don't rush yourself into feeling like you should have everything figured out right at the start. It'll all work it self out soon. x
Love that photo too. Can't believe that was at your wedding!
Mike and i have been living together for years now but this made me think back to when we first moved in together, when he came into MY home that i had by myself for 5 years. i remember the "feeling things out part" you want to be comfortable and yourself but want to not cramp their style at the same time. Just try to think of it as exciting and new rather than weird - and remember that you and your daughter being in Mr.'s life is a blessing that he is lucky to have, life will be more vibrant with you there and will only make every day more exciting for everyone and that you are creating a new "normal" together! Don't be afraid to show him how you like to do things in mornings sometime - though the TV part I'm sorry to say you will probably just have to live with! (I learned to knit during the long Boston hockey season!)
We still argue about the TV even after 3 years of living together!
It doesnt feel too different for us since we were already living together, feels nice tho!
WONDERFUL picture
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