Reflections on Marriage: Treasure Hunting

Doing the laundry takes on new meaning when you have a husband in construction.  I absolutely have to dig through the pockets of every piece of clothing in the laundry if I want to salvage our washer/dryer.

When it was just me and my daughter, I would find a gum wrapper or loose change or a piece of fake money from her school which she received as a reward for something like not talking during story time.  But with a husband, especially a manly, grungy, work hard husband, I now find screws, drill bits, loose change, business cards, receipts, and of course, CHECKS and CASH! 

I guess it's kind of nice to try to turn in a new dirty chore like laundry as a wife into a scavenger hunt.

Share Time:  What's the funniest, strangest, coolest thing you've found in clothing or the washer and dryer?

Reflections on Marriage: Leadership

I have been a Christian since I was a young teenager.  I have been baptised and I have taken many a communion.  I have spent years walking with the Lord and years where I left my faith and chose to live according to the ways of the world.  But for the most part, I have held true to my morals, values and most importantly, my faith in Christ. 

When I met Mr Fix It, I had spent much of the past 6 years serving in my church and community.  I was very involved...leading bible studies, going on missions trips and even speaking and teaching at the high school services and sharing my testimony in the main services.  Needless to say, I love my Jesus.

Mr Fix It was also a Christian...a must for me.  However, he was not as involved as I was other than attending church regularly.  But in these last years leading up to our wedding, we have both let our commitment to church attendance and faith lag.  Since I moved in with him on April 16th, we have not found a new church home and for a couple years we have not been reading our bibles or praying daily as we used to.  It makes me sad.

But now, for some reason, God got a hold of Mr Fix It.  For just a few weeks ago, when I came home from work, he had dinner on the table and had a hot bath drawn for me to sit in the jacuzzi.  As we were about to drift off to sleep that night, Mr Fix It said "From now on, we will be praying every night before bed and every morning before we start our day."  And then he led the two of us in the most sweetest, beautiful prayer. 

He mostly prayed that we would be good to each other in our marriage and a good example to my daughter, Little Miss of what a wife and husband should look like.  He prayed that we would honor God with our lives and that we would be good servants who bring Him joy each day. 

The next morning, it was my turn and I prayed for a lot before I left for work that day.  It was so nice to see my husband stepping up as the spiritual leader of our home.  As you'll see in a future recap, during his vows to me (spoken from the heart), he said that I 'bless him continually' and that 'he should be the one blessing me and leading me, but I am the one who is always blessing him.'  He may not be where he feels he wants to be yet as far as a leader, but he is taking those first steps and leading me in the way that I knew he always would and could.  And that is what I love about marriage...it causes each of us to lead the other down paths we may never have been on before or may never have considered taking.  He's not perfect by any means, but he is my leader...my husband and I am happy to follow him where the Lord leads him.

Reflections on Marriage: Protection

So we're walking across the street in a sidewalk on Main St in Seal Beach on Friday night on our way to dinner at Whalt's Wharf.  Mr Fix It says to me "You know when we're crossing the street like this, you always need to walk on the inside left side of me."  I looked at him and he said "You know why?"  I responded, "So I don't get hit by a car?"  He answered "So if a car is going to hit one of us, I can be the one to get hit and hopefully prevent you from getting injured."

Nothing makes a woman feel more loved than a man who wants to protect her.  (swooning)

Afterthought:  At dinner, two ladies at the table next to us kept staring and smiling at Mr Fix It.  As they got up to leave, one of them walked by him and said "You were great in your last movie."  Mr Fix It just smiled and nodded.  I laughed and said "Why didn't you ask her who she thinks you are?!?"  He said he didn't want to disappoint her.  :)  If you remember, Mr Fix It is sometimes told he looks like Matt Damon or Kevin Bacon.  :) 

Photos courtesy of Yan Freedline (VideoKeepsakes of Beverly Hills)

It's weird being married...

I have so much I want to blog about...but work is keeping me too busy catching up right now to take the time I really want to spend.  However, I'm hoping that by next week I will be back to my normal blogging self with full recaps and full fledged following of all I've missed on your blogs!

Being in a new home with my daughter and now husband is really weird.  It feels so nice and natural.  But then when I am by myself I feel a bit freaked out sometimes.  I feel a bit nauseous and nervous and scared.  If you take out the 2 years I spent living with my daughter's father about 15 years ago, I have pretty much been living by myself (or with a girl roommate) for like 17 years!  And being 37 and set in my ways with my own house has been a joy and a treasured lifestyle.

Even though Mr Fix It and I were together for 6 years before we got married just 18 days ago, we each had our own homes for the past 5+ years.  We had our own way of doing things and our own stuff that fit nicely into our own places.  But now, we are trying to fit a teenager and a woman into a bachelor's pad.  Don't get me wrong, it's pretty nice and it is big enough, it just seems like it doesn't 'fit' yet. 

I can't explain it.  It's scary, exciting, romantic, exhausting, nervewracking, joyful and irritating all at once.  :)

I guess I am in the adjustment phase.  It's only been 3 days that we've been together in our new place.  So far so good, but there have been little spats about where something will go or how messy my daughter's bathroom is with all her 'stuff' or how I don't like the sliding glass door open without having the screen door closed so bugs don't get in.  (Mr Fix It has always left the screen door open for his dog, but now that he's gone, there's no need.)

Anyway, I just wanted to take the time to talk about the 'uncertain' and scary part of being newly married and newly living together.  I don't really know how to organize my thoughts and feelings just yet.  I am just letting them come, praying about them and trying to be honest and gentle about how I let them spill out.  And it's hard too because Mr Fix It is dealing with the mourning and loss phase of losing his beloved pup still.  So I am trying to be sensitive to his 'mood swings' and the fact that he is fighting off a depression.  I know it sounds so strange but this dog was his child and he will definitely be feeling a since of 'aloneness' for a while. 

But the husband and wife part...just learning how to share a tv, make room for someone else in the kitchen in the morning, and figuring out how to live with someone new...someone you are madly in love with...it's pretty difficult and yet makes you happy all at the same time.

Have any of you ever felt that way?  Marriage is so weird...

Oh, and just so there's a photo thrown in here...here's a pic one of my girlfriends took on our wedding day of one of the white tigers at our venue.  So pretty!

Oh it's on now!

So a few weeks ago I did this super cool thing - thanks to Jenn over at a Bride's Brain I found out you can submit your application for a marriage license online.  Woo-hoo!  So I did a google search and found the Orange County Clerk Recorder's site and took less than 5 minutes to fill in the info online.  Then I hit submit.

We have 60 (or 90?) days from the time we submit the application online to head down to one of our local courthouses to actually pick up the license and pay the fee.  So easy!  Especially since there's a small local courthouse just about 5 or so minutes from my home.  :)

So we did it...after the big fiasco from last week of trying to get down there on Tuesday only to discover they'd closed, we headed on down in there yesterday and officially got the license to prove that we are somehow legally able to wed!  This is just a formality for me so that we can share insurance coverages, bequeath property to each other and file our taxes jointly.  It's a governmental thing as I see it.  The truth is, in God's eyes, I don't need no stinkin' paper to tell me that me and Mr Fix It will be joined together as one flesh, one man and one woman...to live and love and honor the Lord with our lives and our relationship as husband and wife. 

The license did however make me realize that we are totally moving ahead and it is definitely on now!

Of course, though somewhat quick (there was only a line of about 4 people in front of us), the trip was not without incident:  Mr Fix It thought it would be funny to sign an 'X' next to the line where he was supposed to sign the license.  He laughed and then signed his name next to it.  Only then the counter lady told him that she would have to reprint an entirely new license because he can't do that on his signature line.  I just sighed...he thinks he's so funny sometimes but he is really just causing wasted time :)

Anyway, with just 6 days to go until the wedding, I am TOTALLY done!  I e-mailed all my final vendors yesterday with the last minute details and had my final meeting with my three coordinators who will be running the show.  I had our rings cleaned yesterday - mine was dipped in rhodium so it looks brand new again!  I just have to drop off all the wedding items to my coordinator tomorrow afternoon and pick up my gown on Tuesday after work.  Then the guys need to pick up their tuxes and we start the weekend festivities!

It feels so good to be done with EVERYTHING!  Of course, I still need to clean the house for all the family that is coming in and pack our luggage for our honeymoon today.  But that will hopefully be done within a few hours.  :)

Do you need a marriage license BEFORE the wedding?

So the big fiasco this past week?  Getting our marriage license!

Em over at Burning River Bride recently posted about getting her marriage license.  I planned on having the same kind of post with a pic of us outside of the courthouse with the license in hand.  I had been wanting to get it for weeks, but Mr Fix It kept putting it off. 

So on Friday April 2nd, I told him, "We have just two weeks before the wedding!  It's time to get the license."

Well, of course on Friday afternoon, he calls me and asks "Babe, can we please get it another day?  I am just so not in the mood today."  Why do you have to be in the mood?  Really?

So I am not happy at all but tell him fine and tell him that since I work full time every day except Friday that he is going to have to meet me down there after work on Tuesday before they close at 5 pm to pick up our license.  He agrees.

Tuesday comes around, I get to the courthouse and call to see where he is.  He's in traffic on the freeway.  I walk up to the courthouse door and they are closed!  GASP!  What?  It's only 4:20 pm!  Don't most government buildings close at 5:00 pm?!?  WTF?!?

So I tell Mr Fix It who then proceeds to scream and cuss at me about all the time he has wasted and how he has 'so much to do.'  Then he yells "With everything you've been obsessed with about this wedding, you didn't think to call and check what the hours were before I drive all the way down here?"

Well, I tried to ask Jesus to keep me patient and calm but it didn't work well.  Because I began yelling at him about how it's all his fault because he kept putting me off and I wanted to do this on Friday when he blew me off!

We hung up and 5 minutes later he calls me back apologizing profusely and asking me to please forgive him, he's just totally stressed.  I told him I was sorry that I didn't call to check first (I thought about it and always do that but for whatever reason just sat with the assumption).  He told me there was no way he was going to let me apologize for anything with all the work I've been doing and he was totally wrong to scream at me like that.

No biggie, we're both over it and we just went to dinner and he helped me finish assembling the escort card favor boxes.  So we're going to go today instead.

Funny thing is - in the course of him yelling, he asks me why we even need to get the marriage license now anyway?  I told him I guess we won't be legally married on the 16th and he responds with "You can just fill it out and sign it later and date it with our wedding date.  It doesn't get mailed in until after anyway."

Now, I don't know much about it, but for some reason I am thinking you need to PICK UP the license BEFORE your actual wedding date!  Am I wrong?

You may now claim your bride with a kiss!

Disclaimer:  This post is long but is mostly just the script from our ceremony and vows.  You can use it as a resource for ideas or inspiration of what you may like (or may not want to do).  But to make it a quicker read for those of you who are not interested, I highlighted words in red that are the parts that are my favorite and my reason for sharing this with everyone.  It's of course also a way for me to journal our ceremony script for my own memories. 

I was never a big fan of the simplicity of 'You may now kiss your bride.'  It had to mean something that you get to kiss at this very moment, right?  And so when I was browsing videographer's blogs for ideas for our ceremony, and heard a pastor speak those words - "You may now claim your bride with a kiss," I immedidately added that into our ceremony script!  Yes, I have the entire thing already written out and have handed it off to our officiant (my junior high school pastor) for his review and thoughts.  :) 

Side note:  I asked my pastor if he minded me basically giving him a pre-written 'script' for our wedding ceremony and he said he actually likes it when brides do this because it ensures that they will get what they want and makes less work for him other than throwing in a brief message and some personal touches about the couple.  This is why I love him!  You should not think twice about asking your vendors, even your officiant, for what you want at your wedding!

Ok, so I wanted to keep a lot of the traditional touches of the wedding ceremony but also make it personal to us, unique and different from your uber-traditional vows, and not super duper long.  I am hoping the entire verbal part of the ceremony only lasts about 20-30 minutes max!

Here's my ceremony script that I pieced together with personal thoughts, internet research and some other traditional inclusions.  Please note that I am including both personal promises (letters me and Mr Fix It will write to each other) and both traditional (sort of) vows, so you will see the promises I have written for Mr Fix It, but obviously he has not written anything yet :)  Also, of course all of this is subject to change:

Being the 3rd wife...

Yes, I am the third wife.  Or at least I will be come April 16th.  Bet you didn't know that?  Though I have a 15 year old daughter (well, turning 15 in February), and am a single mom, I've never been a wife.  My daughter's father and I lived together but never married.  And at 26, I was engaged, planned most of the wedding, and then broke off the relationship right before I dropped the invitations in the mail.  So I've been close...had the 'family,' but never a marriage.

Though wedded bliss will be totally new to me, it is not so new to Mr Fix It.  He has been married before...twice.  The first time he was married I refer to as the 'shotgun marriage' that didn't count.  Mr Fix It moved to Australia in his late 20's and met a woman there.  I think he only lived there for like 3 months before moving back to the states.  But for whatever reason, he married that girl.  I can't even remember what type of wedding they had...I think he said they did a civil type ceremony and then had a 'reception' for the family back home.  Anyway, for whatever reason, she ended up moving back to Australia and they had a long distance marriage for over a year I think.  Mostly phone calls.  Then he met his second wife and eventually got divorced from the Australian.

With his second wife, they dated for three years and then were married for six.  She ended up having an affair - Mr Fix It never confirmed it but there were comments from her co-workers about her spending a lot of time with a man at work.  Mr Fix It asked her to stop spending so much time with him and then while he was away once she told him she was hanging out with friends at his house, got drunk and slept on his couch.  That didn't go over well.  They had a lot of problems regarding communication - she was physically distant which led to him being emotionally distant and the relationship just crumbled.  One day when Mr Fix It was out of the country, he returned to find that she had moved out.  Later, he found out that she ended up marrying the man he assumed she was sleeping with.

As a Christian, Mr Fix It was devastated by the divorce.  He went into a very deep depression for many, many months.  I met him about a year after their separation when a friend encouraged him to start dating again and he signed up on http://www.match.com/.  They were just signing the divorce papers when he and I started dating. 

Needless to say, it's strange to think of myself as a 'third wife.'  It doesn't really mean much to me since I've never been married, but I know that Mr Fix It will probably bring in a lot of doubts and fears from his past experiences.  Though he knows I am a completely different person than his ex-wife, he also struggled to decide whether or not to marry again.  This is why I *never* brought up the subject of marriage during our dating relationship.  He would talk to me about it and say that if we ever got married and something happened to where we divorced, that would be it for him...he'd never marry again.  I would lovingly tell him that I never plan to divorce so he would be stuck with me forever.  :)

He used to tell me that he was secretly 'testing' me to see whether or not I was marriage material.  Though I sometimes felt like I should be offended by that kind of comment, I also knew that this was part of his emotional baggage from two failed marriages.  But finally, when we had been together for almost 5 years, he decided to pop the question.  It was so special to me...it meant he knew that this was it for good.  And I knew it, too. 

On our wedding day, we'll have been together for six years.  I'll be 37 years old and Mr Fix It will be 47.  We have been through a ton of relationship issues, dysfunction and mistakes on both of our parts in our past.  And I think that if we had met 10 years ago, we never would be getting married...for it's the path we've walked and the lessons we've learned that have grown and matured us to become the people we are today.  The people who truly recognize and appreciate the good in each other and also have compassion and grace towards the faults in each other. 

I have no doubt that we will be together forever...we share a lot of the same values, politics, beliefs, faith and we have learned to work at communicating with honesty, respect and love.  We are not perfect, we have our moments of failure and fights.  But we also are humble enough to be willing to change and apologize and to sacrifice and compromise for one another.  I have never known a love like this and though Mr Fix It is nothing like the man I would have expected to end up with, thanks to God, he is everything I never knew I needed in a husband. 

I am so excited to be his third (and final) wife.  I can't wait to have him as my first and only husband.

What about all of you?  Any of you dealing with past marriage or relationship issues or fears that you've had to work through on your way to the altar?