Wed Recap: Let them wear what they want!

This is an image of the dress I originally wanted my bridesmaids to wear (and in this color, too):

Isn't the back adorable?  It's a Dessy (After Six) dress (from their web site).

When I took my six bridesmaids with me to a shop to try it on, I was so excited to see them all fall in love with it.  Perfect for our spring April wedding and to match our turquoise/aqua color.  Unfortunately, they all HATED it!  I mean, not just, "Uh, we're not thrilled about it."  But rather, it is totally unflattering...the bust is horrible...I hate the color...please don't make us wear this, hated it!

I was so bummed.  But I wasn't going to let the attire issue come between me and my girlfriends and relatives.  Then they started going on about how they didn't like the blue colored dress and wanted to go with red instead (the other color of our wedding).  They said they would more likely wear red again and it would be flattering on all skin tones.  I was really bummed out about this because the blue was what I wanted to go with my color scheme!  The red was only the accent color.  So I asked them to show me some options of what they liked.  They came up with two choices:

Photo by Dessy

(This would be in the same color as above)

I was sort of okay with these so I told them they could each pick which of the 2 they liked to wear.  But one of my cousins wasn't there at the time so she went back with me and my daughter to try the 2 different dresses on and guess what?  She hated them both!  And then my daughter tells me that she also didn't like them (even though she was there when all the other girls picked them out).  

Ugh, even the sales lady was telling me they weren't good quality dresses and that pleating rarely looks good on all body types.  I was again so bummed out.  But my cousin and daughter picked out two more dresses that they said they both loved. 

These dresses I loved as well and the color (berry) was PERFECT to match the cranberry color of our wedding.  So I brought all the girls back to the store again and had them try them on.  They all agreed they did love the dress.  But since my daughter was younger and not developed, we realized it wasn't as flattering on her.  But the sales lady showed us a dress by the same designer in the same fabric and very similar style for my daughter.  She loved it and so did I.  So I opted to let her wear a different dress.  But then she said she wanted the dress in the blue color (known as Bahama Breeze).  I was actually excited because I had wanted *ALL* of the girls to wear the blue.  So I decided my daughter got to stand out in a different color. 

Then my cousin realized that her very large endowed chest was not going to fit into this dress.  Again, the sales lady rescued us showing us another dress by the same designer in the same fabric and very similar style that held my cousin's bossom in perfectly!  :)  And much more flattering on her as well.

So we ended up with a bridal party that looked like this: 

Photo by Robert Mullins

Photo By Yan Freedline

Photo By Yan Freedline

I later found out that one of my Bridesmaids actually wanted the dress in the blue color as well.  I had offered for all the girls to wear whatever color they wanted to when we placed the order but they all just went with red.  When I asked her why she didn't go for the blue, she said she didn't want to cause ruffles and be the only one different besides my daughter.  I told her I would have loved for her to be in the blue and I wish she would have spoken up!

And here is my little one in her dress from our post wedding shoot :)

Photo by Rachel Garcia

And how cool is this one of the tiger looking at her?

Photo by Rachel Garcia

I had great BM's...they weren't divas and didn't have to do too much but were important ladies in my life.  I thought they all looked beautiful on the wedding day - some even better than me! ;)  My stylist did great with their hair and makeup too though 2 of them did their own hair/makeup.  Can you guess which ones?

TODAY'S WEDDING TIP:  If you are one of those brides who wants to let your bridal party be a part of the attire decision making process, then be sure to talk to each of your bridesmaids AWAY from the rest of the bridal party and ask for their desires and feedback regarding their choices and preferences.  They may be intimidated by other girls to truly be honest about decisions you want their input on.  And don't we all want our friends and family feeling beautiful, confident and comfortable while they are celebrating our special day with us?

Wed Recap: It takes an army (tons of pics & video!)

I totally realized that I hadn't scheduled a post about my team of wonderful ladies who helped beautify and dress me on the day of the wedding.  I can't believe I forgot this normal recap because even though I was irritated by all the photos our photographer didn't get, the 'getting ready' shots are truly some of the most beautiful and my favorite shots of the day.  But before you check out the photos, here's a couple minutes of several pieced together videos of my friends and family getting me dressed :)

This is Natalie Buketov.  Natalie did my hair and makeup as well as hair and makeup for four of my bridemaids and my mom.  She showed up at 7:30 in the morning and left just after our first look when we were about to start pictures which was probably at about 2 pm.  My girls looked GORGEOUS!

Yes, I have false eyelashes on here for sure

Getting ready some more.  I was the second to last one to get styled. 

Mom was the last one while my girls were getting me into my gown, shoes, jewelry, etc.

I don't know why, but I love this shot:

And so it begins.  It took an army of mostly my sister and my cousin A who handled the dress part and then my cousin E, bestie L and friend D handled putting on my garter, shoes and jewelry.

Took a while to get that corset laced up but it sure was pretty.

Bridesmaids L & D help me get my bracelet and necklace on.  BM L gave me the earrings I wore that day as my gift when I served as the Maid of Honor in her wedding about 9 years earlier.

Ok, funny story.  I had my designer Jeanette make my bracelet out of a clip on earring I bought at a vintage swap meet.  So you know what a clip on earring looks like on the back?  She added a ring that slipped over the little 'clip' part.  But there was kind of this big space between the two sides of the pearls where the earring was attached.  So Mr Fix It had a great idea to use fishing line to tie together the two rings next to the pearls to pull them under the earring.  He's so resourceful, that man!

This is what my cousin A calls her 'happy clap.'  I'd be happy too if I was almost done trying to get me in this monstrous dress with it's ridculous corset.

Cousin E holds up my gown while friend D places my garter on. 

Photo by Yan Freedline

Once we were all dressed, they asked me to spin around a couple times in my gown.  But I was in the middle of a not so big room with all 6 of my BM's around me.  Wasn't easy but I still love this shot with my reflection in the mirror behind me. 

Photo by Yan Freedline

The girls are tending to my hair and placing my veil in just before our ceremony is about to begin.

And once we were all finished, these are the results we got of some bride shots while walking around the grounds at the venue.  I love this one because of the colors and the sun and shade coming through the trellis.

This one is kind of cool because it shows the cafe in the background.  That deck to the right is where the cocktail hour was held and I am standing down in the back of the ceremony area.

Um, hello bright green trees! 

Photo by Yan Freedline

This next pic was one of those ones I was telling you about that I was pissed about from our photog.  I remember telling him I wanted a shot like this on this blue bench and we posed for it but he didn't deliver it to me at all.  Then my videographer sent me the photos that his wife took and I got this one! 

Thank goodness because I absolutely love it. 

Photo by Yan Freedline

As a matter of fact, here's 2 more favorites I got only from our videographer's wife, Yan

Photo by Yan Freedline

Photo by Yan Freedline

TODAY'S WEDDING TIP:  I've said it before, but I'll say it again.  Be sure to have your bridesmaid or mom or whoever is going to be assisting you with getting into your dress and jewelry practice at least once before the wedding.  It's best for them to go with you to your fittings to practice there but at the very least to give you an idea of how long it's going to take you to get fully dressed so you can plan your wedding day schedule accordingly and not be running late!

Unless otherwise indicated, all photos by Robert Mullins

Raw video footage courtesy of Video Keepsakes of Beverly Hills

Wed recap: My one bridezilla moment

Today is June 4th...it's a special day.  Know why?  Because today, both my mother *AND* my sister celebrate their birthday.  That's right, baby sis (MOH J) was born on my momma's 20th birthday :)  Kinda cool I think.  To celebrate, we are renting a little electric boat to ride around in Newport Beach harbor...we're bringing some pizzas and wine and sodas and hanging with my sister's hubby and my little niece and nephew, my mom, me, Mr Fix It and Little Miss.  Good times.

So today, on the birthday of my sweet MOH baby sis J, I want to share with you the one bridezilla moment I had on wedding day.  And I am so *NOT* proud of it!  I wish I could have a do over!

This is me and my baby sis MOH J:

Isn't she gorgeous?

She worked her little behind off that day...she showed up around 9 am I think and was helping my mom with unloading cars full of food, gowns, accessories, and so on.  She did things that the photographer and coordinators asked her to help with and followed me around all day carrying my train and straightening my gown.  It really started with her picking up this bad girl and getting her ready for entry when it came time for me to get dressed:

Then there was the following me around like a shadow as the train keeper:

And the train straightener...for both pre-ceremony photos:

And during the ceremony:

She looked adorable as she walked her son, Ring Bearer PJ down the aisle...look at the sun shining on her like she's an angel!

And made me laugh during the great toast she gave at our reception (more in a future recap):

But for some reason, it didn't seem like she was around me that much on the actual day of the wedding.  Looking at these pics, it's obvious she was doing her duties well.  And let me tell you, she really wanted to give a toast at the reception but she is deathly afraid of public speaking so this was a truly stressful thing she was thinking (and worrying) about all day.  She rocked it though...can't wait to share with you from the video!

The unfortunate thing was that we did all of our photos before the ceremony...right during her son and daughter's nap time.  And my little nephew really needs his naps.   So I was truly disappointed that he is not in ANY of our shots taken before the wedding...not in the one shot I got with me and the other 3 ring bearers and flower girl and not in the shots we took with our immediate family :( 

When he finally did show up on the day of the wedding, he was apparently still tired and hubby was having a hard time getting him into his tux.  So my sis had to run off to handle him...she wasn't real happy about that hoping Daddy could have handled it along with his mother (Grandma Kiki) because she was busy enough as the Matron of Honor. 

Then earlier when we were wandering the grounds for photos I had another maid come along to carry my bouquet and train because my sis was nowhere to be found.  Apparently the coordinators or someone asked her for some help.  I didn't know that at the time. 

Later, when it was time for our first look, I was standing by myself getting ready to walk.  And none of my maids were around me...I learned a little trick where I would pick my train up over my arm and then spin around in a big circle...as I was spinning, I would throw (release) the train of my gown and it would fly out around behind me and land perfectly unfolded and flat and laid out behind me.  Pretty neat, huh?  The videographer even asked me to do it again at one point to try to catch it on film.

But at some point during this little trick I happened to say the following:

"Yeah, I had to figure out how to handle all this myself since I have the worst Matron of Honor ever!  Here's a hint, don't ever ask someone with kids to be a bridesmaid!"

There were a few family members and vendors around when I said it...and my sis was there, too :(  She looked at me and I know she said something back to snap at me.  I felt really bad after the words came out of my mouth.  I tried to eat the words back up saying "Well, I just mean you have other things to tend to and worry about."  But it was too late...the bridezilla in me got out for that brief moment and it was a truly horrible thing to say.  I really didn't even mean it...I mean, she went above and beyond.  So I profusely apologized that day and on the day after the wedding and a few times after we got back from our honeymoon.

So that was it...the one thing that I did that I was not proud of.  Thankfully, my loving sister is full of mercy and forgiveness and doesn't let those things linger once we've made amends and moved on.  :) 

I didn't need to say it like that, but as much as I hate to admit it, my wedding tip for today does come from a bit of truth in my mean girl comment:

TODAY'S WEDDING TIP:  Truly consider the roles and responsibilities you expect of each of your maids when you ask them to be a member of your wedding party.  Every single one of my maids had children, jobs and other commitments that made it very difficult to get them together or to have them help with wedding related appointments, to-do's and tasks.  If the people you want to stand up with you and assist you in your planning process have children, very involved work schedules or other responsibilities or relationships that may prevent them from giving you every bit of time and attention you'd like, you may want to consider whether or not to ask them to be in the wedding.  Or if you do, then remember not to have high expectations. 

I have to say, I would have had no other woman next to me on that day and my sister went so far above and beyond through all of the planning process with helping me design stationery, assemble favors, go shopping, and attend to all of my needs on the wedding day.  I was very blessed with the amazing and thoughtful shower and bachelorette party she threw me and all the time she found outside of her wifely and motherly duties to make me feel very special...and for that, I want to wish my baby sis, J the most amazing birthday ever today!  (And of course a huge birthday shout out to Mom, too!)

Here's the only shot I have of me and Mom on our wedding day thanks to my wonderful cousin, Bridesmaid A!

Shower the people you love...

So I have been waiting for a while to share the photos from my bridal shower which took place back on February 21st with all of you lovely ladies!  Unfortunately, we've had some problems with getting the photos.  You see, my family is not as 'blogger' friendly as I would like them to be.  So they are not huge on having a camera at their disposal every 30 seconds.  I did not bring my camera as my daughter and my cousin happily brought their own and assured me they snapped photos of everything.

However, when we went to download the pics from my daughter's camera, they were all deleted!  GASP!  Seriously?  WTF?  We still don't know how it happened but they were totally gone :(

I frantically asked my cousin about the pictures she took.  She said she gots lots of pics of me opening gifts and a good amount of the decorations and details that my sister took so long creating, making and setting up.  But unfortunately, she only had like 2 pics of me with my mom and a bridesmaid.  All of the photos with me and all of the guests were on my daughter's camera!  :(

Needless to say, I was pretty bummed about the whole thing.  Then it took over a month for me to get the pics from my cousin (who is also a bridesmaid) because she is battling breast cancer right now and has been laid up in bed dealing with all kinds of healing and pain from many physical problems, tests and a surgery she just recently went through.  :(  Again, another one of the stupid health issues that we are trying to struggle through and deal with in the midst of our wedding plans.  I am really praying she feels whole and healthier by the wedding day in 3 weeks because she is super adamant about how important it is to her to be there for me in the wedding.  She even postponed her surgery to have one of the tumors removed so that she could still be in the wedding!  She's crazy but I guess the doctors were okay with it.

So, here they are.  Rather than post a ton of pics here on the blog, I just put them into a Shutterfly album.  If you click the link below the album to 'view larger' then you will be able to see all of the captions and explanations of the photos below them as the slideshow plays.

Click here to view these pictures larger

Have you had any unfortunate camera or computer related disasters where something very important, memorable or precious to you was destroyed or deleted?

And the breakdowns begin...

So for 14 months now I have been saying that I refuse to be stressed while planning this wedding.  So much for my plans.  I have been so great about keeping on top of almost everything.  Though there is still much to do, we are moving along. 

All I can say is I am so glad we nixed the idea for a choreographed dance a month ago.  There is just no way I would be able to do it all. 

Monday and Tuesday were my emotional breakdowns and I am now literally a bride on the brink of tears at almost any given moment.  :(  I found out Monday night that my Grandmother (almost 95) is most likely really near the end of her life.  With just 43 days to go until the wedding the one thing I was truly praying for is that Grandma and our pitbull (who was recently diagnosed with a terminal heart condition) would survive until we return from our honeymoon.  My Grandma has been really excited about our wedding and now it looks like she can no longer make the two hour drive to get down here and attend.  I am okay with that as much as she will be missed.  But what I know will be just unbearable is if she passes away between now and our honeymoon.  I will just be a wreck at the moments I know her name will come up.  And most of my family has been making the trek out to her place in Hemet to visit her this week.  My cousin called me yesterday to say that she took the day off to go see her.  Hospice care has started coming to visit her home every day now instead of every other day and she has been on morphine for about a week I think.  So all the signs are that she will not last much longer.  I am heading out to see her today but the phone calls I've had to make to plan for the drive out there have left me bawling in tears at the thought that I 'have to go see my Grandma now.'  It just sounds like we are going to be lucky if she hangs on for even another week or so.  And then yesterday, I got a call that she fell out of bed and spent the entire night in the hospital and is now home with staples in her knee and a brace.  Anyway, prayers for my sanity at this uncertain time are definitely coveted.

But on top of that, I'm also dealing with the stress of trying to make time for the move and renovations of Mr Fix It's home...while we are making a lot of headway, we still have so much to do in just about 3 weeks time! 

And now, one of my bridesmaids is crying all the time about how she can't afford to pay for her dress and her hair and makeup which my stylist is insisting we stick to the contracted terms and pay for.  (My mom and cousin wanted to back out of their commitment to pay the $70 to have their hair and makeup done which they agreed to last June).  So I feel like I am stuck in the middle with understanding that we need to honor our contract but not wanting my mom and cousin to feel stressed about finances. 

This is supposed to be a happy time and all of a sudden I am feeling the stress and frustration that I have been able to mostly avoid for the past 14 months.  If I had to deal with this stuff, couldn't it have been much earlier and not 43 days before the wedding?!?

I understand 43 days seems like a long time, but it's really not when you throw in working full time and being a single mom to a teenage freshmen!  In March alone I already have 16 days filled with appointments of some kind - both personal, doctor and wedding related. 

And Tuesday I pretty much just cried all day long - because of my Grandma, because of the stress of all the wedding stuff left to do, because of the stress of moving into Mr Fix It's place and all the life change and emotions that it brings with it.  While I am excited, I am also mourning the loss of my 'freedom' by living on my own and mourning the loss of the city I have loved for almost 20 years now.  Even though I am moving only about 25 minutes away, the city I live in and the one Mr Fix It lives in are night and day!  It's going to be a serious adjustment for me to get used to. 

Seriously - I am getting over this real fast.  I called Mr Fix It and told him to get ready for the full waterfall at any moment.  I am sure it is coming at some point.  (sigh)

Am I expecting too much of my bridesmaids?

I asked 5 girls to be my bridesmaids and my sister to be my Matron of Honor.  (I was the maid of honor for my sister and my best friend who is also one of my bridesmaids.)   I surprised each girl by providing them a gift that included a puzzle of a photo of both of us with the phrase 'Be my Bridesmaid?' across it, along with a little silk bouquet of flowers in my color scheme so they'd know what color dress they'd be wearing and a handmade card with a poem in it telling them why I am asking them to stand with me at the altar. 

I loved it, they loved it, two of them cried...it was personal and different.  I blogged about it here.

Since I asked them, I have had all 6 of them come with me one day back in March to go dress shopping for both me and them.  We did it on a day that my best friend would be in town so she could participate - she lives in Idaho, I'm in So Cal.  We went to dinner after...it was fun.

I eventually picked dresses out for them to wear with their input and allowed them to select red dresses even though I desparately wanted them in turquoise/blue and I let them know that was my wish but I wanted them to be comfortable.  They opted for red.

I let 2 of them pick different dresses than the one the other 4 will be wearing...my cousin who is a very large chested woman and my daughter who wanted a different color and needed a different style since she doesn't fully have a woman's body yet.  I had no problem with letting them pick different dresses...they're by the same designer, color and fabric.

I tried to keep the dress and shoe cost to a minimum...The dresses were $152 including tax and the shoes were another $15 total.  So far, they all will only need to have the straps adjusted on their dress.  Two of them may need their dresses let out a little bit and one will need her dress hemmed a bit.  So alterations will not be super expensive at all...for my sister, it's only $15 to have her straps adjusted.

I booked a stylist to do my hair and makeup and negotiated a great price for her to do the Bridesmaid's hair and makeup for only $70 each total.  I let them know that it was their decision as to whether or not they wanted to use my stylist and pay or do their own hair and makeup.  Two of them opted to do their own, four opted for using my stylist. 

One bridesmaid offered to let us use her house for both my bridal shower and bachelorette party since she lives around the corner from me and has the biggest house.  My sister is throwing the shower and has asked for the other girls' input but has done most stuff on her own.  My mother and her are paying for the bulk of my shower I believe and trying to keep it pretty inexpensive.

Other than that, there's not much more they have to do for me other than show up to my shower, bachelorette party and the rehearsal and wedding.  My one friend from Idaho obviously has to pay for airfare out here but she was more than willing to do so to be in my wedding and is coming alone without her husband or three kids to save money.  It's not that expensive to fly here.

So do you think I'm asking too much of them?  I hear horror stories of brides who want to 'fire' their friends or family for not helping out with much or for causing problems with their wedding plans and adding extra stress.  I am so lucky to not have that problem.  I LOVE my girls and though I don't get to see them much, they're excited about the big day and I know they'll make me feel special and loved and keep me laughing and try to ease my stress or anxiety.

Though due to my Type-A perfectionist personality, I am not asking them to help assemble invitations or anything like that.  But closer to wedding day I will ask them if any can come over to help me stuff favor boxes and tie ribbons on them and such. 

Even the guys (groomsmen) and our immediate family were in my initial wedding related thoughts as I had visions of them having to carry votive candles, wedding gifts, dresses, etc all over our venue and loading up cars and such.  I imagined them trying to run around during the reception telling the Photographer that the DJ was about to announce the cake cutting and I instantly knew it was time to hire a Day of Wedding Coordinator!  There is no way I wanted any family or friends doing errands or running tasks during the wedding. 

So I think my girls have it pretty easy.  But I know some brides can be demanding.  I found it funny, however, when Rachel (Pink Love Bird) over at Get Married's Blogger Brides site posted about how she asked her girls to be her bridesmaids.  She made them all binders and included a contract inside for them to read and sign.  I wish she had gotten engaged before me because I totally would have included this in my little gift package for my girls had I seen it.

I, ____(Bridesmaid)_____, do solemnly swear:

______ My hair will remain at whatever length I want, but if it’s past my shoulders, it will be put in a beautiful up-do.
______ If I change my hair color, I will consider consulting Bride because she loves sassy hair.
______ My nails will be painted a delicate, light color of my choosing and will be at my preferred length (…with the exception of them being so long they curl over at the tips).
______ Bride will love me and appreciate me being in her bridal party regardless of my weight, but I will do my best to be in great shape and health. I want to look my best!
______ Assuming there is a shower or a bachelorette party, I will be as involved as I can be and party it up with Bride for as long as I can stand.
______ I will hold Bride to her promise that the bridesmaid dresses will be fabulous and won’t cost an arm and a leg. I will provide opinions on the style because I know Bride likes input and gets overwhelmed by options.
______ If I get pregnant, YAY! Bride loves babies and pregnant people. If I am not pregnant, the reception will provide a fully stocked bar in which to imbibe in front of said pregnant people.
______I will dance the night away at the reception and all other spontaneous dance parties. If Bride is not around for the sporadic dance parties, I will take a picture or a video to show her.
______ I will tell Bride when she is being crazy/unrealistic and why, specifically. I will not let Bride go off the deep-end.
______ I will freely give hugs and lend my support to Bride to help relieve stress since she is such a perfectionist. Bride loves friends’ hugs.
I do hereby swear that I will adhere to the entire above & other stated bridesmaid “duties” for the wedding on (date).
X________________________________ ___________________ (Signature) (Date)


What do you think ladies?   Are you asking too much of your Bridesmaids or wedding party?  Have you had some unfortunate issues or fights or frustrations with anyone regarding your wedding?  Do share!  Let it all out...

Budget brides: Don't forget to use your wedding coupons!

So over the summer I was having SO much fun purchasing all of the little things online.  Here's what I have so far:
* Black Gloss Gable Boxes for Out of Town Guest Gift Bags

* My Memorial Vases courtesy of Jean M products (a small one for my fiance's mother and the larger one for my grandmother, grandfather and aunt)

  

* My toasting flutes courtesy of Get Married's shop

* Bridesmaid Gifts:  Jewelry Rolls (from Amazon.com) and Blue Parasols

 

   

* My Guestbook (Super excited about this fun idea from a previous blog post)

 

* Favor boxes (chinese takeout boxes) from http://www.papermart.com/

I made all of these purchases online and I always suggest taking plenty of time to browse the internet and see what you can do to 'bargain shop.'  But here are my latest tidbits of advice for wedding shopping:

Use the net and use your coupons!

That's right, I said coupons.  I recently discovered that you can do a google search for coupon codes by putting in the store name and the words 'promo code'.  I was able to get free shipping and save 5%  by using an online coupon I found and I saved 10% off my Guestbook by using a code that I found online.

Another great site I used to find a lot of my little detail items is http://www.thefind.com/. This site will let you type in a description or item name and it will bring up literally hundreds of stores online that are selling the items.  Don't get me wrong, it takes some leg work to find the best deal...I found a site that had my favors for 88 cents each but once I saw what the shipping costs were, the site was actually not that cheap. But I did find a site to buy my placecards from!  Definitely play with this site.

And I already mentioned in a previous post about why it's a good idea to buy items sooner than later for your wedding needs.  But another reason it's a good idea to start shopping sooner than later is that once you decide what you want, you can take your time browsing the net and your fave sites for when sales come up.

I listed a lot of information above because these are sites that I have found have the best deals for a lot of items that many of you may need...trying to save you some leg work.  The gable boxes for example - I bought 50 of them from this supplier rather than the 25 I would probably need because it was actually cheaper to buy more from a wholesale supplier than to try to buy the amount I needed from gift stores and such.

So ladies - any other suggestions for how to bargain shop?