Yes, I am the third wife. Or at least I will be come April 16th. Bet you didn't know that? Though I have a 15 year old daughter (well, turning 15 in February), and am a single mom, I've never been a wife. My daughter's father and I lived together but never married. And at 26, I was engaged, planned most of the wedding, and then broke off the relationship right before I dropped the invitations in the mail. So I've been close...had the 'family,' but never a marriage.
Though wedded bliss will be totally new to me, it is not so new to Mr Fix It. He has been married before...twice. The first time he was married I refer to as the 'shotgun marriage' that didn't count. Mr Fix It moved to Australia in his late 20's and met a woman there. I think he only lived there for like 3 months before moving back to the states. But for whatever reason, he married that girl. I can't even remember what type of wedding they had...I think he said they did a civil type ceremony and then had a 'reception' for the family back home. Anyway, for whatever reason, she ended up moving back to Australia and they had a long distance marriage for over a year I think. Mostly phone calls. Then he met his second wife and eventually got divorced from the Australian.
With his second wife, they dated for three years and then were married for six. She ended up having an affair - Mr Fix It never confirmed it but there were comments from her co-workers about her spending a lot of time with a man at work. Mr Fix It asked her to stop spending so much time with him and then while he was away once she told him she was hanging out with friends at his house, got drunk and slept on his couch. That didn't go over well. They had a lot of problems regarding communication - she was physically distant which led to him being emotionally distant and the relationship just crumbled. One day when Mr Fix It was out of the country, he returned to find that she had moved out. Later, he found out that she ended up marrying the man he assumed she was sleeping with.
As a Christian, Mr Fix It was devastated by the divorce. He went into a very deep depression for many, many months. I met him about a year after their separation when a friend encouraged him to start dating again and he signed up on http://www.match.com/. They were just signing the divorce papers when he and I started dating.
Needless to say, it's strange to think of myself as a 'third wife.' It doesn't really mean much to me since I've never been married, but I know that Mr Fix It will probably bring in a lot of doubts and fears from his past experiences. Though he knows I am a completely different person than his ex-wife, he also struggled to decide whether or not to marry again. This is why I *never* brought up the subject of marriage during our dating relationship. He would talk to me about it and say that if we ever got married and something happened to where we divorced, that would be it for him...he'd never marry again. I would lovingly tell him that I never plan to divorce so he would be stuck with me forever. :)
He used to tell me that he was secretly 'testing' me to see whether or not I was marriage material. Though I sometimes felt like I should be offended by that kind of comment, I also knew that this was part of his emotional baggage from two failed marriages. But finally, when we had been together for almost 5 years, he decided to pop the question. It was so special to me...it meant he knew that this was it for good. And I knew it, too.
On our wedding day, we'll have been together for six years. I'll be 37 years old and Mr Fix It will be 47. We have been through a ton of relationship issues, dysfunction and mistakes on both of our parts in our past. And I think that if we had met 10 years ago, we never would be getting married...for it's the path we've walked and the lessons we've learned that have grown and matured us to become the people we are today. The people who truly recognize and appreciate the good in each other and also have compassion and grace towards the faults in each other.
I have no doubt that we will be together forever...we share a lot of the same values, politics, beliefs, faith and we have learned to work at communicating with honesty, respect and love. We are not perfect, we have our moments of failure and fights. But we also are humble enough to be willing to change and apologize and to sacrifice and compromise for one another. I have never known a love like this and though Mr Fix It is nothing like the man I would have expected to end up with, thanks to God, he is everything I never knew I needed in a husband.
I am so excited to be his third (and final) wife. I can't wait to have him as my first and only husband.
What about all of you? Any of you dealing with past marriage or relationship issues or fears that you've had to work through on your way to the altar?
2 days ago