Thursday, March 4, 2010

And the breakdowns begin...

So for 14 months now I have been saying that I refuse to be stressed while planning this wedding.  So much for my plans.  I have been so great about keeping on top of almost everything.  Though there is still much to do, we are moving along. 

All I can say is I am so glad we nixed the idea for a choreographed dance a month ago.  There is just no way I would be able to do it all. 

Monday and Tuesday were my emotional breakdowns and I am now literally a bride on the brink of tears at almost any given moment.  :(  I found out Monday night that my Grandmother (almost 95) is most likely really near the end of her life.  With just 43 days to go until the wedding the one thing I was truly praying for is that Grandma and our pitbull (who was recently diagnosed with a terminal heart condition) would survive until we return from our honeymoon.  My Grandma has been really excited about our wedding and now it looks like she can no longer make the two hour drive to get down here and attend.  I am okay with that as much as she will be missed.  But what I know will be just unbearable is if she passes away between now and our honeymoon.  I will just be a wreck at the moments I know her name will come up.  And most of my family has been making the trek out to her place in Hemet to visit her this week.  My cousin called me yesterday to say that she took the day off to go see her.  Hospice care has started coming to visit her home every day now instead of every other day and she has been on morphine for about a week I think.  So all the signs are that she will not last much longer.  I am heading out to see her today but the phone calls I've had to make to plan for the drive out there have left me bawling in tears at the thought that I 'have to go see my Grandma now.'  It just sounds like we are going to be lucky if she hangs on for even another week or so.  And then yesterday, I got a call that she fell out of bed and spent the entire night in the hospital and is now home with staples in her knee and a brace.  Anyway, prayers for my sanity at this uncertain time are definitely coveted.

But on top of that, I'm also dealing with the stress of trying to make time for the move and renovations of Mr Fix It's home...while we are making a lot of headway, we still have so much to do in just about 3 weeks time! 

And now, one of my bridesmaids is crying all the time about how she can't afford to pay for her dress and her hair and makeup which my stylist is insisting we stick to the contracted terms and pay for.  (My mom and cousin wanted to back out of their commitment to pay the $70 to have their hair and makeup done which they agreed to last June).  So I feel like I am stuck in the middle with understanding that we need to honor our contract but not wanting my mom and cousin to feel stressed about finances. 

This is supposed to be a happy time and all of a sudden I am feeling the stress and frustration that I have been able to mostly avoid for the past 14 months.  If I had to deal with this stuff, couldn't it have been much earlier and not 43 days before the wedding?!?

I understand 43 days seems like a long time, but it's really not when you throw in working full time and being a single mom to a teenage freshmen!  In March alone I already have 16 days filled with appointments of some kind - both personal, doctor and wedding related. 

And Tuesday I pretty much just cried all day long - because of my Grandma, because of the stress of all the wedding stuff left to do, because of the stress of moving into Mr Fix It's place and all the life change and emotions that it brings with it.  While I am excited, I am also mourning the loss of my 'freedom' by living on my own and mourning the loss of the city I have loved for almost 20 years now.  Even though I am moving only about 25 minutes away, the city I live in and the one Mr Fix It lives in are night and day!  It's going to be a serious adjustment for me to get used to. 

Seriously - I am getting over this real fast.  I called Mr Fix It and told him to get ready for the full waterfall at any moment.  I am sure it is coming at some point.  (sigh)

19 comments:

Patience said...

I am so sorry to hear about your Grandma and I will be praying for you and your family.

Wedding planning is so stressful and you certainly don't need your mom and cousin to back out of their commitments. Maybe you could offer to help pay half or something to help offset the cost, but then again I don't know your financial situation. Hang in there girl, I hope things start getting better.

PartyPlannerGal said...

Awww, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother! My thoughts and prayers are definitely with your family during this hard time. My uncle (who was like a grandfather to me) passed away on Sunday - even though we have much more time than you until our wedding, his passing has definitely put a halt on our plans, including sending out our Save-the-Dates because we feel it's not appropriate right now.

As for your mom and cousin, could you ask them the amount they feel comfortable paying and then cover the balance? I definitely don't think it's OK for them to have committed and then changed their minds, but it seems like you may need to "cut your losses" at this point. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. *Big hugs*

April Elizabeth said...

my grandmother died last April. I had been engaged for 4 years. Although its not the same, i cant even thing about her in context of the wedding because she could have been there if i had gotten my shit together.

We are putting a wind chime up @ the ceremony and when it chimes its supposed to be those who could not be there.

Like I said, its not the same, but to some extent I understand. Its really hard but you grandmother would not want you to be a wreck about this right now. You know that. She'd want you to be happy - this is supposed to be a happy time.

Runrgurl10 said...

I'm SO sorry to hear about your grandmother, I will keep her in my thoughts!

You will make it through to your wedding and everything will be glorious! It's so easy to fall into stress mode, I totally feel your pain...Somehow, it will all end up being ok.

Bicoastal Bride said...

I’m so sorry to hear about your grandmother and the other problems you’re facing, Stacey. I’ll keep your family in my thoughts. Hang in there, girl. I know you’ll make it through.

Em said...

So sorry to hear about your grandma. My grandma and I are very close so I can only imagine what this is like for you right now. Please know that you have a whole bunch of readers rooting for you and sending good vibes your way.

One piece of advice I have for you is let yourself cry. Don't hold it in, that will only make everything worse. If you need to have a moment, have one. The people around you who really care will understand.

Hand in here, hun.

Alicia said...

(((hugs)))

I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

SG said...

Aww sweetie I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time and I'm thinking of you and praying for your grandmother. I lost my grandmother a few years ago and I can't even imagine how that would have been if it happened right before my wedding.

There's nothing wrong with crying and letting it all out, it helps. I know it's hard but try to relax as much as you can and keep your mind focused on the positive. It will all work out.

Ghenet said...

So sorry to hear about your grandmother and everything that you are going through. Just wanted to say my thoughts are with you!

thehickbride said...

My prayers are with you, I strongly believe that the power of prayer is the strongest power that ever existed. (I'm adding you to my prayer chain and I hope that's okay with you.)

I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandma. I've always been close with my Grandparents and it's not easy to be in that situation.

I hope your bridesmaid will be understanding during this time and honor her commitment, even if it is for something she may not feel is a big issue.

Just remember that without the hard and stressful times the good times would not seem near as wonderful!

A. Marigold said...

So sorry about your grandmother. It must be hitting you even harder since it's right before such a major event. Keeping her (and you!) in my thoughts.

Chocolate Lover said...

So so sorry to hear about your grandmother Stacey! I hope you have a wonderful visit with her. I will be thinking about you! Just let yourself feel what you are going to feel, and the people who love you will understand. And you have lots of blog friends rooting for you too!
As for the hair and makeup situation, since its not a huge amount of money, can you see if they are willing to pay some of it and you cover the rest? Maybe that will take some of the stress off, which you dont need at the moment.

Sarah Ann said...

You've just got way too much on your plate right now hu? I know that no matter what the days leading up to your wedding will be stressful, but try to think of the positives or at least the easiest solutions. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother, nothing will make that easier. But at least you can keep in mind that she knows you've found the man of your dreams and are going to spend your life with him. I'm sure that is a very comforting thought for her, to know that you will have someone to depend on and who depends on you as well.

honey my heart said...

i'm sorry about your grandma. it is so tough to go through something like that. you are in my thoughts!

Mrs T said...

Oh Stacey, I'm so sorry about your Grandma. Hope that your visit with her today is a good one. I'm sure she will love to hear all about your wedding details.

So wish I lived closer so I could help you. Tie ribbon wands or something. I would be there.

Sending good thoughts from across the globe to you.

Everything will be ok. Everyone cries in wedding planning. HUGS x

Miss C said...

So sorry to hear about your grandmother.

What a tough thing to go through so close to the wedding.

Enjoy your visit with her today.

Gaynor said...

So sorry to hear about your Grandma, hope you are doing ok, will keep you in my thoughts!

JEM - Aqua Bride said...

Really, really sorry to hear about all you're going through. Group hug from all your blogger family. I'm sure everyone else feels the same way. It'll get better soon.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

So sorry to hear about your grandma and I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers.

I agree with PPG's comments re: the styling. It's annoying but you may just have to deal with the option with the least drama.

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