So for 14 months now I have been saying that I refuse to be stressed while planning this wedding. So much for my plans. I have been so great about keeping on top of almost everything. Though there is still much to do, we are moving along.
All I can say is I am so glad we nixed the idea for a choreographed dance a month ago. There is just no way I would be able to do it all.
Monday and Tuesday were my emotional breakdowns and I am now literally a bride on the brink of tears at almost any given moment. :( I found out Monday night that my Grandmother (almost 95) is most likely really near the end of her life. With just 43 days to go until the wedding the one thing I was truly praying for is that Grandma and our pitbull (who was recently diagnosed with a terminal heart condition) would survive until we return from our honeymoon. My Grandma has been really excited about our wedding and now it looks like she can no longer make the two hour drive to get down here and attend. I am okay with that as much as she will be missed. But what I know will be just unbearable is if she passes away between now and our honeymoon. I will just be a wreck at the moments I know her name will come up. And most of my family has been making the trek out to her place in Hemet to visit her this week. My cousin called me yesterday to say that she took the day off to go see her. Hospice care has started coming to visit her home every day now instead of every other day and she has been on morphine for about a week I think. So all the signs are that she will not last much longer. I am heading out to see her today but the phone calls I've had to make to plan for the drive out there have left me bawling in tears at the thought that I 'have to go see my Grandma now.' It just sounds like we are going to be lucky if she hangs on for even another week or so. And then yesterday, I got a call that she fell out of bed and spent the entire night in the hospital and is now home with staples in her knee and a brace. Anyway, prayers for my sanity at this uncertain time are definitely coveted.
But on top of that, I'm also dealing with the stress of trying to make time for the move and renovations of Mr Fix It's home...while we are making a lot of headway, we still have so much to do in just about 3 weeks time!
And now, one of my bridesmaids is crying all the time about how she can't afford to pay for her dress and her hair and makeup which my stylist is insisting we stick to the contracted terms and pay for. (My mom and cousin wanted to back out of their commitment to pay the $70 to have their hair and makeup done which they agreed to last June). So I feel like I am stuck in the middle with understanding that we need to honor our contract but not wanting my mom and cousin to feel stressed about finances.
This is supposed to be a happy time and all of a sudden I am feeling the stress and frustration that I have been able to mostly avoid for the past 14 months. If I had to deal with this stuff, couldn't it have been much earlier and not 43 days before the wedding?!?
I understand 43 days seems like a long time, but it's really not when you throw in working full time and being a single mom to a teenage freshmen! In March alone I already have 16 days filled with appointments of some kind - both personal, doctor and wedding related.
And Tuesday I pretty much just cried all day long - because of my Grandma, because of the stress of all the wedding stuff left to do, because of the stress of moving into Mr Fix It's place and all the life change and emotions that it brings with it. While I am excited, I am also mourning the loss of my 'freedom' by living on my own and mourning the loss of the city I have loved for almost 20 years now. Even though I am moving only about 25 minutes away, the city I live in and the one Mr Fix It lives in are night and day! It's going to be a serious adjustment for me to get used to.
Seriously - I am getting over this real fast. I called Mr Fix It and told him to get ready for the full waterfall at any moment. I am sure it is coming at some point. (sigh)
2 days ago