Sad news yesterday...

Yesterday was the day that I have been dreading and expecting since a few months before our wedding.  I have mentioned a few times about how disappointed I was that my grandmother (due to failing health) became unable to travel just 2 months before our wedding.  She has had heart, lung and many other health issues for years now and we never expected her to live this long.  But she is a fighter and stubborn :)

I was praying she would just make it til after our honeymoon and now here we are 2 1/2 months after our wedding and yesterday she finally left our world to pass over into the arms of our God. 

My daughter with Grandma a few halloweens ago

It has been especially difficult these last few months...she lives about 90 minutes from us and my mother has been spending every weekend at her home to spend time with her and assist her older sister (my aunt) with her health.  Just a month before our wedding I was visiting her and the hospice care nurses decided to bring in a hospital bed and from that day on, she would never walk again.  She is so frail and fragile that even the slightest touch or bump would deeply bruise her or even worse, tear open her skin :( 

Me and my sister with Grandma when I was about 2 or 3 years old

We celebrated her 95th birthday with her at the end of May and just last weekend my sister and I spent 2 days with her.  Each time I have seen her over the last few months she gets progressively worse.  I have watched her body deteriorate...though until the last week or two, her mind was completely there. 

These last few days were the hardest on our family.  Last Saturday I cooked her the very last meal she would ever eat - spaghetti and garlic bread - a favorite of hers.  She never ate this past week and could not even drink - not even water.  Her body had filled with so much fluid from the heart and lung disease that she was totally bloated.  My mother could barely hold her hand because the touch would hurt her or open her skin. 

Me and my Grandma and Grandpa

She would really only sleep but she couldn't even do that well because she was struggling to breathe from coughing and gurgling the fluid in her lungs. 

We have been praying for weeks for God to just take her home...we would say that we can't understand why she just won't let go and be at peace.  And Friday night was the worst for me.  My mother took this past week off of work as they knew the end was very close and she wanted to be there with her sister.   My mom called me Friday and updated me on her condition...I came home and sobbed and told Mr Fix It that I just didn't want her to suffer anymore.

Yesterday morning, my mother called to tell me she slipped away and stopped breathing with my mother there in the room.  I have been in tears and laughter throughout this past day.  And there are many more tears to come...she was the matriarch of a large family...5 children, 10 grandchildren (and their spouses) and many great grandchildren.  She even had a great great granddaughter (you'll see her pic in a future recap).  She lived a full life...she loved and cared for her family and we loved her like no other.  She was like a second mother to me...helped my parents raise me...babysat me. 

I was so blessed to know her and love her and be loved by her.  I cannot wait to see her again one day and I am so grateful that she is at rest and no longer in pain and an ailing body.  This whole process has made me ponder life, death and the frailty of our bodies...to watch life go from birth through death in old age is not really a beautiful thing to me as some say.  I personally believe it is a sad thing, but it makes me so grateful for health and for life and for relationships.  An aging frail body going through the dying process only reminds me that this life is not all we were intended for...there is something more beautiful, peaceful, healthy and whole waiting for us.  And the life I will live with my grandmother there reminds me to be hopeful and to fondly cherish the memories and love she leaves with us all.

Love you Grandma!