Saturday, January 16, 2010

Where do I start?

I have so much I want to tell all of you, but I don't know where to start...good and bad.  So much has happened yesterday...I am elated and devastated all in one.  I am giddy with anticipation and fearful of the unknown heartbreak that probably lies just ahead.  Where do I start?  There's much going on.

Here is my guy:






He's a tough guy...can you tell?  :)  He's as manly as manly can be.  And in the six years I've known him, he has never once shed a tear.  I always thought, "I will never see him cry ever...except for either on our wedding day (which I doubt) or on the day that his dog dies."

Well, here is our dog (it's actually his dog he has had since he was a puppy 11 years ago but after a six year relationship he is now definitely 'our' dog!):



(sorry for the horribly blurry and ugly picture)

He is the most amazing dog you'll ever find.  He is a full bred pitbull though he doesn't look like it and the smartest most loving most friendly most 'human' dog you will ever come across.  Those ears - we call him Scooby Doo sometimes.  The dog MAKES you love him...I am not a dog person and he is now like my child just like he has been for Mr Fix It all these years.  He is well trained and protects us at all costs.  He has helped Mr Fix It through some really hard times in his life.  And we just found out he has an enlarged heart.  He started having trouble breathing a couple weeks ago so Mr Fix It took him into the vet.  They ran some tests and said he has an irregular heartbeat and enlarged heart. 

Mr Fix It brought him home and brought him by my work yesterday.  He was fine, walking around, acting normal and letting me love on him.  And then, last night at midnight, Mr Fix It calls me.  And he's crying like a baby.  Mind you, I have *NEVER* seen Mr Fix It cry - EVER!

Come to find out, Kuta (he's named after a beach in Indonesia that Mr Fix It likes to surf at and is taking me to on our honeymoon) is really having a hard time breathing.  And he's almost lethargic.  And Mr Fix It is just absolutely certain that he is going to die this night and he is devastated and depressed and crying because there's nothing he can do for our puppy.

I try to calm him down, I pray for him, I just listen and fight back the tears myself.  We finally hang up.  I call in the morning and Kuta is doing better but still not himself.  Mr Fix It took him back to the vet, he called me on the way there once again in tears asking me if I am going to come see him if he has to make the decision to end any suffering for him.  I tell him to call me of course. 

But in the midst of this horrible circumstance, I am meeting with our caterer and coordinator at our venue in the morning.  We've had it booked for months and we need to have this meeting.  What do I do?  Mr Fix It calls and says the vet gave Kuta some medication to assist with his breathing and said to leave him for the day.  The vet said he could have a heart attack at any moment.  UGH!  But does that mean the medication will help and maybe he'll live many more years?  Or will he die any day now of this heart condition and Mr Fix It will be totally depressed in these last months leading up to our wedding?

I have been dreaming of when my daughter and I get to move in with Mr Fix It and Kuta and be a family with our dog...we often talk about how much Kuta loves me and my daughter and how excited he is going to be to have us there all the time.  This just cannot be happening...not now.  Not when Mr Fix It just had his work van break down last weekend and found out it's going to cost $5,000 to replace.  Not when he is already struggling to bring in an income right now because his business is not busy at all.  Not when he is stressed trying to plan and pay for our honeymoon in 3 months.  Why is this happening now?

So I try to shake off the tears and go through my three hour meeting with my caterer and coordinator talking all things wedding and plans and what not.  It took my mind off of things for a little while and I was feeling bad for feeling excited and laughing and dreaming about how to bring all our wedding plans to fruition.  And then I left the meeting, excited about the plans and depressed about how to deal with Mr Fix It and the unknown about our dog.

I had to cancel our first dance lesson for last night as Mr Fix It is in no mood to deal with anything...he is crying almost every few minutes.  And so am I.  I want to share about my meeting, but I need to be with my honey and our puppy.

Please be praying for God's provision both financially, emotionally and physically that we would be able to have health and ability to take care of both ourselves, our puppy and our daily work and stresses.  Yesterday was so great in my meeting but the sadness of what we're going through and seeing Mr Fix It so upset is just so so sucky.  So basically, yesterday mostly sucked - Seriously. 

18 comments:

Shannon and Jesse said...

You have a blog award....
http://jesandshan.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-awards.html

Bicoastal Bride said...

I’ll be thinking of you and praying for all of you, Stacey. I sincerely hope things take a turn for the better. Hugs…

A Los Angeles Love said...

You and Mr Fix It and Kuta are in my thoughts. I don't know if you read A Practical Wedding at all, but there was a post this week about women planning weddings during family tragedies and emotional loss. It was a powerful post and set of comments that might speak to you right now, especially the parts about needing the joy and hope of a wedding because of the pain. Losing a pet isn't like losing a parent, of course, but it is losing a family member and part of your life and deserves to be treasured and mourned.

http://www.apracticalwedding.com/2010/01/wedding-planning-in-face-of-serious.html

My heart goes out to you.

PartyPlannerGal said...

I am so sorry to hear this, and am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I know that pets are family, and it's so hard to see them suffer, especially because they can't tell you what's wrong. Stay strong for Mr. Fix-it. The sun will shine again.

Patience said...

I am praying for you and your furbaby. My heart is breaking just reading this.

Bee @ BP Wedding said...

Stacey, it is breaking my heart to read this. I know how much a pet can mean to a family because I love my dog with all my heart. I will keep you, John and Kuta in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that Kuta pulls through this and will be around for more happy years with your family. I'm really hoping for all the best. (((HUGS)))

SG said...

I'm really sorry to hear this...it's so hard to watch a pet suffer especially since they can't tell you how they are feeling.

Kristian's cat is 12 years old and in good health but I dread the day that he passes away not only b/c I've come to love Wendal but I know Kristian will be devastated.

I really hope that Kuta feels better soon.

Em said...

It really breaks my heart to read this. I second reading the post on "A Practical Wedding" from earlier this week. Also, Mrs. Cheese from Weddingbee is going through something similar with her 2 year old pup. Here are a few posts from her personal blog that might bring you a bit of comfort and let you know you're certainly not alone.

http://www.notquitebettycrocker.com/2010/01/on-strength-and-weakness-and.html

http://www.notquitebettycrocker.com/2010/01/resolution-believe-ignore-look-for-good.html

I really hope things take a turn for the better. Keep us updated.

Jenn said...

I'm so sorry to hear! I'll be praying! Keep us updated

Recession Bride said...

I am so sorry. I know how much a dog can become a part of your life and mean the world to you.

Good luck -- you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Stacey, so sorry to hear that. Kuta really is a family member so I can imagine how hard it is.
You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Genevieve said...

I am so sorry. It is so hard to have a sick pet and to think about losing them :( *HUGS* I will be thinking about you. Also, don't feel bad about being excited about the wedding. Dogs always want people to be happy no matter what!

Runrgurl10 said...

I am so sorry to hear read this, I hope he makes it through this!!!! Thoughts and hugs to you both...

megan marie said...

sending warm thoughts your way... i really hope everything works out for you guys.

Katie said...

I am so sorry to hear about Kuta :( I hope that you all are doing better; I'll be keeping you in my prayers.

Chocolate Lover said...

Thinking about you guys and your pup! So sorry to hear all this!

Mrs T said...

Love a man that loves his dog. I so hope your puppy pulls up ok. Losing a dog is like losing a family member.

Thinking of you all from the other side of the globe.

Westside Wedding said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, I know how much pets mean, they are part of the family & it's hard to see them suffer or pass away. My dad is also a "tough" guy, and over a year ago in December he called crying so much I could not understand a word he was saying, I cried instantly from hearing him, finally after a few minutes I could make out what he was saying, my mom's chiuahua paquito had died suddenly. Paquito was only 4 but in those 4 years he made such an impact on my parents lives, he was their first dog & their buddy. He taught them that you can love an animal just as much as a human friend. I will keep your family in my thoughts & hope for the best.

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