Where do I start?

I have so much I want to tell all of you, but I don't know where to start...good and bad.  So much has happened yesterday...I am elated and devastated all in one.  I am giddy with anticipation and fearful of the unknown heartbreak that probably lies just ahead.  Where do I start?  There's much going on.

Here is my guy:

He's a tough guy...can you tell?  :)  He's as manly as manly can be.  And in the six years I've known him, he has never once shed a tear.  I always thought, "I will never see him cry ever...except for either on our wedding day (which I doubt) or on the day that his dog dies."

Well, here is our dog (it's actually his dog he has had since he was a puppy 11 years ago but after a six year relationship he is now definitely 'our' dog!):

(sorry for the horribly blurry and ugly picture)

He is the most amazing dog you'll ever find.  He is a full bred pitbull though he doesn't look like it and the smartest most loving most friendly most 'human' dog you will ever come across.  Those ears - we call him Scooby Doo sometimes.  The dog MAKES you love him...I am not a dog person and he is now like my child just like he has been for Mr Fix It all these years.  He is well trained and protects us at all costs.  He has helped Mr Fix It through some really hard times in his life.  And we just found out he has an enlarged heart.  He started having trouble breathing a couple weeks ago so Mr Fix It took him into the vet.  They ran some tests and said he has an irregular heartbeat and enlarged heart. 

Mr Fix It brought him home and brought him by my work yesterday.  He was fine, walking around, acting normal and letting me love on him.  And then, last night at midnight, Mr Fix It calls me.  And he's crying like a baby.  Mind you, I have *NEVER* seen Mr Fix It cry - EVER!

Come to find out, Kuta (he's named after a beach in Indonesia that Mr Fix It likes to surf at and is taking me to on our honeymoon) is really having a hard time breathing.  And he's almost lethargic.  And Mr Fix It is just absolutely certain that he is going to die this night and he is devastated and depressed and crying because there's nothing he can do for our puppy.

I try to calm him down, I pray for him, I just listen and fight back the tears myself.  We finally hang up.  I call in the morning and Kuta is doing better but still not himself.  Mr Fix It took him back to the vet, he called me on the way there once again in tears asking me if I am going to come see him if he has to make the decision to end any suffering for him.  I tell him to call me of course. 

But in the midst of this horrible circumstance, I am meeting with our caterer and coordinator at our venue in the morning.  We've had it booked for months and we need to have this meeting.  What do I do?  Mr Fix It calls and says the vet gave Kuta some medication to assist with his breathing and said to leave him for the day.  The vet said he could have a heart attack at any moment.  UGH!  But does that mean the medication will help and maybe he'll live many more years?  Or will he die any day now of this heart condition and Mr Fix It will be totally depressed in these last months leading up to our wedding?

I have been dreaming of when my daughter and I get to move in with Mr Fix It and Kuta and be a family with our dog...we often talk about how much Kuta loves me and my daughter and how excited he is going to be to have us there all the time.  This just cannot be happening...not now.  Not when Mr Fix It just had his work van break down last weekend and found out it's going to cost $5,000 to replace.  Not when he is already struggling to bring in an income right now because his business is not busy at all.  Not when he is stressed trying to plan and pay for our honeymoon in 3 months.  Why is this happening now?

So I try to shake off the tears and go through my three hour meeting with my caterer and coordinator talking all things wedding and plans and what not.  It took my mind off of things for a little while and I was feeling bad for feeling excited and laughing and dreaming about how to bring all our wedding plans to fruition.  And then I left the meeting, excited about the plans and depressed about how to deal with Mr Fix It and the unknown about our dog.

I had to cancel our first dance lesson for last night as Mr Fix It is in no mood to deal with anything...he is crying almost every few minutes.  And so am I.  I want to share about my meeting, but I need to be with my honey and our puppy.

Please be praying for God's provision both financially, emotionally and physically that we would be able to have health and ability to take care of both ourselves, our puppy and our daily work and stresses.  Yesterday was so great in my meeting but the sadness of what we're going through and seeing Mr Fix It so upset is just so so sucky.  So basically, yesterday mostly sucked - Seriously.