Saturday, December 19, 2009

Seriously Saturdays: Why I'm already pissed about our wedding night!

Ok, I'll admit it. This post is definitely going to be a bit of a whiny, bratty type rant. I ultimately won't be as pissy as I am coming across but just want to vent for a few to my fellow blog buddies.

One of the to-do items on our wedding check list was to book a block of hotel rooms for the 10-20 families that will be joining us from out of the state (or area).  Originally, I didn't expect anyone from out of state to join us but then a bunch of family I hadn't seen in decades suddenly decided they wanted to come.  And of course, Mr Fix It's family mostly all lives up north so they will definitely be coming from OOT. 

Well, as we started to contact hotels, Mr Fix It mentioned that his family won't need a hotel because he is going to have his family staying with them.  I gently and rationally pointed out to him that his family consists of:

Mom & Dad (2)
Bro and Sis-in-law and their 3 kids (5)
Sis and bro-in-law and their 2 kids (4)
Bro and sis-in-law (2)
TOTAL IMMEDIATE FAMILY:  13 people (including 5 kids ranging from age 4 months to 5 years)

Seriously?!  I mean, seriously!  Your little 3 bedroom house (with a territorial - but friendly - pitbull) is going to house 14 people and allow for all 14 of them to get ready for our wedding in 2 bathrooms and with sleeping infants?  Have you seriously thought this through?

He does have another bro and sis-in-law who live 5 minutes from me and could offer up their house to their family as well but even his sis-in-law told me she could only take one of the families.

Besides, I had plans of us coming home after the reception and staying in our home for the very first night as husband and wife (we don't live together and won't until wedding day).  We would walk into our house as husband and wife, lounge around, take a bath in the new jacuzzi whirlpool tub he installed last week and of course take advantage of *our* bed.  We would be able to sleep in and then the next day we'd wake up and have all that family from out of town over to our new home to have a light lunch and laugh and reminisce about the previous day's big event!  Then late that night, we'd have a family member drive us to LAX to take off on our 14 day honeymoon and our bags will have been packed and ready to go from the day before the wedding.

So how was I supposed to keep my plans alive while my ever so gracious and hospitable future hubby wants to offer our entire place to his large family for the wedding weekend?  My best thought - I asked where this family was going to be on our wedding night?  I asked if we would be sharing the house with them?  And he realized he didn't want anyone around while we might be gettin' busy :)  So he said, well, they'll have to get a hotel room.

Nice!  That's what I had wanted all along.  Besides, we all went up north a year ago for his brother's wedding and we all got hotel rooms while we were there and it was so fun and worked out great with all the kids.  And his family told me that they have no problem getting hotels if we need them to. 

Well, cut to a couple weeks ago when Mr Fix It returns from spending Thanksgiving up north with his family.  He let me know in no uncertain terms that *WE* will be getting a hotel room on our wedding night and that his family will definitely be staying at his place.  Now maybe I am being a little selfish here but I am honestly pretty pissed off about the whole thing.  I do not want to deal with packing a separate bag right before our wedding and dealing with checking in and out of a hotel for a few measley hours when what I really want is to spend time with my honey and our family.  And I do not want to walk into our house for the first time as husband and wife when it is already filled with a massive amount of people living in it as their home for that weekend!  This was supposed to be something special and romantic and intimate between the two of us.  Now it's going to be chaotic and frustrating...mostly because I know I tend to get irritated when I have a lot to do and there are a lot of people around me in my way.  And I don't want our pre-packed honeymoon luggage shoved aside and all messed up while several families are living out of their suitcases all over our house.  I know, it sounds selfish, but I am a really anal organized freak when it comes to planning and preparation...especially for our wedding and any trips.

UPDATE:  Since I originally wrote this post, Mr. Fix It and I sat down and I shared my vision with him and why I was so disappointed that he was seemingly not taking my feelings and plans into consideration.  He then shared his own thoughts of how he wanted us to walk into our house together for the first time *after* the honeymoon when everyone is gone and we can settle in for the first time and relax without having to worry about running off or whatever.  He also mentioned that he wants to be sure to include my daughter in our first night in the house so that we can all stand together in the living room and he can pray for our new family and new home.  It's really very sweet so I do understand.  However, I am still a little disappointed about the situation. 

So tell me, future brides...what are your plans and visions for your wedding night?  Where will you be spending it and what do you plan to do the day AFTER the wedding?


Patience said...

I understand your frustration and I would be super pissed until my future hubby told me his reasoning. I think that is very sweet of him. I totally get the whole being stressed out and family getting in your way, I had my MOH cancel this week on me. Fun!! We are getting married on a cruise so we are going to be with our family and friends for the entire seven days. We have given all of them a heads up that we want *our* time and everyone has been cool about it. Sorry this is putting a damper on your special day.

Pug(s) and Bugg said...

It seems like you both have things that are important to you- Mr Fix It's is being able to provide residence for his family- I'm sure he doesn't want them having to pay for a hotel- maybe financially that would affect if they would come or not? It seems that what is important to you is enjoying and celebrating your first night together!

A hotel can be relaxing- maybe get Mr Fix It to check you in earlier in the day so you don't have a hassle.

Maybe he can compromise by seeing if his family in town can take some of the people, that way it will be less clean up and the family won't be too crowded in your home- making everyone happier.

You're NOT wrong for being upset!!! It seems like you guys are good at compromising though :)


Christin said...

I feel your frustration. I think we're going to offer our houses to family, but they'll more than likely get a hotel that's closer to the church. As far as the wedding night, we're staying in a hotel downtown and going to a brunch the following morning for the OOT guests. We won't leave for our honeymoon until the following day.

Everything will work out. Guys just don't think things through. :)

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

Thanks, ladies. I am hoping they will get us checked in early on the wedding day. And I should say that one of the things I love about him is that he is so all about family and I love that he is so hospitable. But his family (all of them) can in fact afford the hotels...there's really no way that would ever keep them from coming.

My biggest concern of all is them not having enough bathroom and space to get all of those people ready on wedding day. And being at his house instead of the hotel near the venue puts them about 30 minutes farther than they need to be on a Friday (work day). I am afraid that they will all show up way late for our photos and such which we are *adamant* about having finished before the ceremony. I just don't want to be 'stressed' with people running late on the wedding day and I can totally imagine his family doing this. (sigh)

thehickbride said...

I understand your frustration, I can't imagine thinking about my wedding night and thinking about a bunch of other people around. On the other hand seeing how he wants to provide for his family must be so nice to see!
We're getting a hotel room, but that's just a given since the wedding is four hours away from home! The next day we plan to head back to the farm, where the wedding is, relax and enjoy the day. We're telling people they can stop in if they want, but nothing formally set up!

PartyPlannerGal said...

My fiance is Hindu, and it is a traditional part of the Hindu ceremony that the bride go and live with the groom's parents after the wedding. For American Hindu's this often translates to the bride spending the night at the groom's parents house on the night of the wedding. The fiance's mother-in-law told us she really wanted us to do this. I threw a freakin' fit! There is no way I am spending our wedding night at his parents' house. That is just so strange to me. In the spirit of compromise, I agreed to spend the night after our wedding there. Which means we will need to push our mini-moon back another day. Boo. I feel your pain, lady.

I have to say that I think it's so sweet that Mr. Fix-it wants to include your daughter in your first night in your home, but I do understand your frustration. I wonder what made him change his mind after Thanksgiving, especially if his family has the means to stay in a hotel?

Amy said...

Sounds like a frustrating situation you are in. I really hope yall can work something out that will make both of you happy because you should not be stressing on your big day!

My fiance and I are going to stay in a nice hotel the night of the wedding since we are getting married on an island an hour away from where we live. The next day we're going to the airport to begin our honeymoon adventures!

Miss T said...

I would feel EXACTLY the same way. I don't think you're being bratty or whiny. I was planning on staying in a hotel room the night before the wedding, but the closer it gets, the more I just want to be in my own bed the night before. The night of the wedding we are staying in a hotel, it's super close to our venue and will make things easier. We are getting ready there as well. Our little rental is way too small to all get ready in.
The next morning we are having buffet breakfast with everyone in the hotel restaurant. Should be good.

Gracie said...

I can understand your frustration! I'm glad you both talked it through though even if the ending wasn't quite what you wanted.

We are staying in a hotel for about 2 nights before we head off on our honeymoon. As for day after the wedding we will probably go and spend time with family.

Jamie said...

Sorry youre frusterated!Hopefully it will all work out in the end.

After our at-home reception, my husband and I got a hotel room. It was our choice. We didn't want to have to go back home after the reception, carrying all the gifts into the house, worry about cleaning or organizing anything, etc. We wanted a special night alone, and the hotel was the best way. It was special and stress free, because while we were at the hotel, our parents were transporting gifts and making breakfast for the morning after gift opening brunch!

New Mexican Bride said...

I can see how that would be frustrating but I think the one thing to remember is after you are married you will be able to spend every night together in your new home. I do understand your frustration though, I am an organized freak when it come to planning trips and hate when my plans change.

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