In the past, I've seen posts on bride's blogs about how to handle the dilemma of who is included in your wedding party as a Bridesmaid, Groomsmen, Ring Bearer, etc. I was going to comment on those blogs but figured I'd just tackle the entire issue here instead.
Ultimately, what it comes down to in my opinion is maturity. Maturity on the part of all parties involved as to how you handle these situations as they arise. What do you do as a bride when friends expect (or worse, ASK you) about being in your wedding? What do you do when your wedding party begins to outnumber the guests sitting down at the ceremony? How do you tell someone they won't be a wedding party member...and better yet, should you even HAVE to tell those you don't plan to include? Here are my thoughts and suggestions on how to handle these situations:
* Don't bring it up. Unless someone specifically asks you (or you hear through the grapevine that they have been wondering) then you shouldn't go around telling people who are not going to be in your wedding party (WP).
* Be calm, compassionate and loving. If you have to tell someone who asks if they are going to be in the party that they won't be, then do it with some respect and use 'wish' words a lot. "I really wish that I could have included you as a bridesmaid, but unfortunately, we are having such a small wedding that we decided to keep the WP small as well." "I wish that I had been able to include you in our WP, but between me and John's family and best friends, we already have a much larger WP than we expected."
* Definitely provide them opportunities to be involved in other ways if you feel so led and have the option. Ask those who really wanted to be a bridesmaid or groomsmen to serve as an usher, guest book attendant, hand out programs, follow you around during photos to hold your flowers or attend to your needs, read a special poem during the ceremony, offer a special toast at the reception...There are all kinds of things you will think of that people will need to help you with on the day of. Just be sure that whatever you ask them to help with, you don't treat them as a servant or errand boy. They don't want to be your slave, they want to feel special and included.
* Feel free to think outside of the box. Don't feel confined to traditions or standards. My fiance and I have 4 nephews between the two of us who are between 2 years and 6 years old. We couldn't ask just one to be in the wedding and not the others so we opted for including all four as ring bearers. I have a future post about the little 'tasks' that these supposed 'ring bearers' will have during their walk down the aisle.
So what do you think...have you had any unfortunate experiences with friends/family who wanted to be in the wedding party? What are your thoughts and suggestions on how to tackle these tough situations when they arise?
15 hours ago