Thursday, February 4, 2010

What do you do when their ex-es don't live in Texas?

April 16th will be the day I marry my best friend...the day I walk down the aisle at our wedding and pledge my love and faithfulness to Mr Fix It in front of 200 of our friends and family.  I will (hopefully) look beautiful in my gown and he will look hot in his tux.  There will be lots of laughter at the cool video that just played before I made my entrance and then lots of hugs and well wishes as we basque in the glory of the cocktail hour with our guests.  We'll make a grand entrance into the reception and eat some yummy food and then dance the night away.  That night, we'll sleep in the nearby hotel room we booked...just the two of us.  And then the next day, I'll move into Mr Fix It's home which will officially be 'our home.'  (I'll have actually already moved all my stuff in during the weeks before the wedding but won't stay there til after the wedding.)

And this new home of ours?  Well, Mr Fix It has lived there for about 13 years now I think.  You see he bought it with his ex-wife.  And up until she cheated on him and then left him, it was 'their' house.  Then it was his house.  Soon it will be our (my) house.  Is that weird?  I will be moving into the house that my husband shared with his ex-wife.  And the neighbors?  They all knew her.  It's a pretty close neighborhood.  Mr Fix It is good friends with all of his neighbors...except the one directly to the left of us.  She was very good friends with Mr Fix It's ex-wife and he thinks she played a big role in pushing her away from him before they divorced.  So he doesn't like her much...she has caused some problems in the neighborhood.  When I see her, I just walk by and don't say anything (out of respect for Mr Fix It)...but all the other neighbors?  They love me and come up and chat with me and they'll all be at our wedding...except for the ones to the left of us.

Bummer is, every once in a great while, we see Mr Fix It's ex-wife's Hummer parked in front of the neighbors house visiting that old friend of hers.  I've never personally seen or met her...never.  Mr Fix It says that his brother's wife (his sister-in-law) apparently even stays in touch with her and catches up every once in a while.   Though Mr Fix It has asked his brother to tell his wife not to ever bring her up to us. 

Even though they do not talk, see each other or have any real common friends or what not anymore, her 'presence' is still sort of around every once in a great while.  So is it weird that I am moving into what used to be her house?  The house my (soon to be) husband once shared with his ex?

Not to me, it's not.  Honestly, I never even think about her.  I don't ever have thoughts creep into my mind about what they did or didn't do in a certain part of the house or whatever.  Mr Fix It has been working on changing up the house before I move in...he's totally remodeled the master bathroom so nothing about that is like it was before.  He's painted most of the rooms and is putting in new flooring.  I'll be moving some of my furniture into the house.  I'll definitely be filling his bare bachelor walls with my pictures, paintings, candles, crosses, etc.  So I will be making it 'our' home.  I never even think about my man's past or the women he left behind in it. 

What about you?  Do you have any fears, doubts, or reminders of your partner's ex-es?  Does it bother you?

PS  Don't forget to check out my first giveaway for 100 Chinese Takeout Boxes...ends tomorrow night!

15 comments:

Caro said...

Fears...oh yeah I have some.
They all started when he called me her name the first time...

Sarah M said...

We have a constant reminder of his ex, they had kids together. Be thankful that he doesn't have that at least. I have tried to be cordial and accommodating if he is on a deployment, but we don't like each other. I have tried to be nice, but all she does is sneer and think that I a turning her children into snobs . . .because requiring that someone shower and brush their teeth daily really does that, ya know?!?! Somehow, it all got turned around that I am the reason they can't get along, even though they were separated and she had moved in with another man before I even met him. I just keep my distance, it's all I can do. We are living in my house, which he has completely remodeled as well, but I have never lived in with anyone else. Sorry, there was no way I was going to live in the house that she helped pick out, not only that, the neighborhood was a little ghetto and she painted these giant fairies on her daughter's wall and then made spelling errors on the writing in the mural. Fairies have always freaked me out a little. I don't have any doubts about "us" because of her, if anything, I see the type of person she is and know that he will never go back to her under any circumstance. And Caro, ouch, my ex did that to me . . . .

Sarah M said...

PS. I love your attitude! There really isn't any reason for the new wife to be intimidated by the ex-wife. It didn't work for a reason, and in the end, it's really just a house and life is what you make of it. Personally, living in the house they shared doesn't work for our family. I have lower crime rates, better school systems, better neighbors, etc. Unfortunately he does own his place, so until we sell it we have to pay for both places.

Patience said...

My fiance dated his ex for 8 years and during the first couple years of our relationship, she made her presence very known. They shared a dog together and she would pick her up all the time. I am not a jealous person what so ever so she never bothered me, but she did cross the line at a wedding and I wouldn't allow her to come over to the house anymore. She has since moved out of state and L hears from her every now and again. She will send a text, email, etc. just to catch up and I could care less. I have no respect for her. I have the same attitude as you do. We all have a past and what they did or didn't do never creeps in my mind.

thehickbride said...

This proves what a strong woman you are! I don't think it's wrong or strange that you're moving into HIS house, even if he did share it with a past wife. You will move into that home and make it both of yours and your daughters as well of course!

I don't exactly have fears, but I have things that bother me. Two of my FH's ex(girlfriends) used to text him, a lot. Saying things like "you never remembered our anniversary" or "I was with you for longer and you never proposed" or "Don't you ever think about me". Super frustrating, angering if you will. I'm not a woman to put up with that kind of crap, so it ended, mostly. I think they're scared of me now... And that makes me smile and giggle like a little school girl.

Gonna Be His Mrs. said...

You have such a great attitude about the whole thing. I myself could not move into a home that my Honey shared with another. I know it's silly....and I shouldn't feel that way....but I do. I (because I'm sorta quirky that way)would feel like the house was contaminated with bad aura or bad energy. I don't know. It's pretty dumb to feel that way when i think about it, but it is what it is. I could try and convince myself to not feel that way, but I don't think it would work. lol
As for the "ex".....he has an 11 year old with her, and I believe his ex is a psychopath! Seriously! So like one of the other ladies comments, I just do my best to stay away from her.

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

Caro - I think Mr Fix It did that once to me in the very beginning of our relationship...I laughed about it and gave him a really hard time :)

Patience - When Mr Fix It and I first started dating (like for the first 6 months), she would come pick up 'their' dog and take him for a few days...but he ended that once things got very serious between he and I. Kuta is now *OUR* dog :)

The hick bride - I love that you are proud with giggles about making the ex-es scared of you...that would tick me off, too if Mr Fix It was getting texts like that - go away little girls!

Sarah & Gonna Be His Mrs - Thankfully, they did not have children. But my ex and I do obviously have a daughter together. I'll post about that tomorrow :)

Em said...

I've never been in this situation, but I just wanted to say that you have such a great attitude about all of this! I'm very impressed because I don't think many women could/would handle it with such maturity and grace. So hats off to you, my friend :)

SG said...

I dated a guy once that still lived in the house he shared with his ex-wife who cheated on him. It was weird but that could be b/c he was still very obviously not over her.

As for Kristian, I moved into his condo which thankfully he never shared with another girl but I know he had other girlfriends while living there. I try not to think about it.

I think it's good that you are making changes to the house to make it more "yours" as a couple.

Sarah M said...

I have a child with my ex and we get along fine, I have even gotten along with women he has dated. There's no reason not to like another female that is in the life of your child/children unless she is mistreating them. I treat his children just as if they were my own. I "try" not to show favoritism, but let's face it, sometimes it slips. I wish if anything, just for the sake of the kids, we could all get along. I will wait for your post tomorrow to comment further. :-)

Ruthy G. said...

I think it's difficult to think of our men before "us." If you meet someone without any "baggage" you're truly lucky...but pretty much all of us have some unless we're 16. His ex is in Canada...thank goodness...I think it would be difficult to be around any "reminders" of her.

PartyPlannerGal said...

I love the title of this post. I can't exactly relate since neither the fiance nor myself has ever lived with a significant other, been married or have children. but we do have exes! And . . . we just don't really talk about them. I get the sense that both of us sort of had someone before who we thought may have been "the one that got away." I don't like thinking that he may have cared for someone else as much as he cares for me, but thankfully this woman lives across the country. I agree with the other posters - unless you meet your fiance when you are 16, you likely have a past. That's just life, so it's great that you have such an amazing attitude - we could all learn something from you :)

Bicoastal Bride said...

I think you’re taking the right attitude. It’s in the past, and there’s no reason to let it bother you. Since Stephen and I both didn’t really have other serious boyfriends or girlfriends before meeting each other, it’s not a big worry, although he did date one of my best friends briefly while in college. She’s the one who introduced us, though, and we’re all good friends today, so there’s no problem!

Chocolate Lover said...

I agree that you have a great attitude about moving into your new home. We don't worry about ex's. They are in the past, we've talked about them, and frankly they just aren't important. But neither of us has been married before or has a child so it makes it easier I think.

Mrs T said...

I have no problem with Ex's. It's all part of what makes you who you are today. The person that you are marrying. They'd be different if it weren't for the good/bad influences of these people in their past. I'm still friends with a few of my ex boyfriends (one even attended the wedding) so I could never date someone with jealousy issues.

I think it's wonderful that you have a mature healthy attitude towards this. It will be your house once you move in. It's not the place, but the people in it that make it your home.

Although that neighbor sounds nasty! Hope she moves.

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