Sunday, November 15, 2009

To dance or not to dance? The Money Dance that is

So for the most part, Mr. Fix It has let me pretty much have my way when it comes to things we don't agree on regarding the wedding. He has been married before and I haven't and he knows how much thought and effort I am putting into everything so he usually gives in. :) But there is one area that I had logically got him to agree with me on and yet he keeps coming back to wanting his way: the money dance. You know...that thing where you and your groom stand all dolled up awkwardly in the center of the dance floor with no one else around while your guests stare at you and others line up in hopes of waiting to sway with you for 15 to 25 seconds just to stuff money in your pockets or purse after they've already brought you a gift? Well, at least that's the way I see it.

Now don't get me wrong...this is just my personal opinion. Almost every single friend and family member's wedding I have attended has had a money dance...but it's just not *my* thing. In fact, my cousin received over $1,000 at hers while my sister barely made it to $200 at hers. And my sister's wedding was much bigger than my cousin's. But to me, it just comes across as awkward, begging, greedy and BOR-ING. I would much rather allow my guests to shake their groove thang on the dance floor than kill 10 to 20 precious minutes on the dance floor making everyone stand around. And God forbid, what if no one wants to get up and dance with us? Or what if it's all of my honey's friends that I have no idea who they are so I end up making uncomfortable small talk with them for 30 seconds? Oh, the horror!

Mr. Fix It thinks that in these economic times it would be helpful to have every opportunity we can to receive some extra funds for the honeymoon. He said with 200 guests, even if they gave $1, that would be $200 extra we have (of course, he's not thinking of our 5 year old cousins who have no apparent income at the moment). I told him *I'd* give him the $200 if it was so important to him. But honestly, we'd probably get more than that because we have very loving and generous friends and family. Besides, I told him it's the economic times we live in that make it all the more so why we shouldn't have it...because people can't afford it!

Anyway, recently he called telling me again why he really wants to do it. I told him that I would consider more creative ways of 'earning' money at our reception. For example, our DJ told us a story of how one bride and groom had their bridesmaids and groomsmen split into two teams and then sing for all the guests. Afterwards, they walked around with hats and such allowing the guests to give money to the team they thought was the better singers. All the money was given to the bride and groom and at least it was more entertaining and a performance that got the entire guest list involved in the idea. But John didn't like that idea either.

What do I do? I know that in some cultures this is a tradition and important part of a wedding...but not in my culture. So what about all you ladies? What are your thoughts and are you including this ritual in your own wedding reception?


Brittney said...

How about like, a 50/50 raffle or something like that? That way the guests win something too.

Gonna Be His Mrs. said...

Definitely NOT doing this. Like you, it's just a personal opinion. I'd feel "tacky" having a dollar dance. It's true, for some cultures it's a bit of a hispanics....which is what I am. But I really don't like the idea of the dollar dance. It WOULD make me feel as if I'm begging for money. But that's just me! So don't everyone start bashing on my own personal opinion. (lol)
In fact, on our wedding site, I even put, "We would like everyone to know that we don't expect any gifts from our friends and family....your "presence" (not your "presents") is more than enough to make it a joyous and memorable day for us. But if you feel the need to give something, please feel free to give whatever you would like. It's all frosting on the cake!"

A. Marigold said...

I've been to a lot of weddings with money dances and it always looked fun for the bride and groom, and the people who choose to participate. Less so for the guests who don't participate (and I'm pretty much always one of them).

On the other hand, as a guest I'd feel a lot more uncomfortable if people came around with hats to collect tips, or a raffle--that seems way more money-grabby to me. At least I *expect* a money dance, you know?

Honestly, I'd let him have his way if it were me (says the girl whose fiance hates the idea of a money dance). If there is usually not much that he is asking for in the wedding and if he usually lets you have your way but this is one thing he really wants, is it worth saying no this time?

Nicole said...

maybe just limit it to two songs... to compromise?

we didn't do it..most of our guests traveled at least an hour or more..and stayed at a i just couldn't take anymore money..hotel, gas, gift..etc..thats enough to expect from our that how we made the decision..

SG said...

I've actually never been to a wedding that did this. I already feel bad about the money our guests will be spending to travel to the wedding and gifts etc. I guess I feel like if they want to give us money they will via cards or gifts. You'll probably already get a good amount of money in wedding cards as gifts.

PartyPlannerGal said...

We will not be having a money dance. I just asked my fiance how he feels about it, and he said "well, if you're asking me if we should do one, I think no." He feels that since neither of us are Latin, it doesn't really fit into our culture. I don't want to do one because I feel bad asking our guests to fork over more of their hard-earned dough. That said, I have only been to one wedding with a money dance, and the bride and groom were both of Latin descent. I participated and felt no ill-will toward them. It was actually really fun, but awkward for the groom, who hates to dance. I agree with some of the comments above - if your fiance feels really strongly about this, go ahead and let him "get his way." No one is going to think you are "money-grubbing." It can be a fun tradition, and if people feel really strongly against it, no one is forcing them to participate. Just my two cents :)

Miss T said...

In Australia I have only been to one wedding that had a money dance - they were Greek & it's a family tradition for them. Although they danced with each other for one song and people walked up and pinned money onto the skirt of her dress and the back of his jacket. Sounds a little different to the one you are talking about.

I personally wouldn't be expecting it and probably wouldn't even know what to do. But if people are used to that sort of tradition it might be different.

I think if people are making the effort to come, and probably already buying you a gift then it's a bit of overkill - bordering on rude.

However, that might just be my opinion because it's not common in Australia.

And weddings are so expensive I understand why it would be nice to have some extra money!

Chic 'n Cheap Living said...

Stacey, if it's not your thing, why consider it? Don't do something YOU are uncomfortable with. But of course you can pick and choose with the Mr. about this issue. At the same time I remember it's tough economic times for all and some people will give the same amount of money/type of gift regardless of how expensive your wedding is.

I've been to at least 15 weddings of many cultures and sorta only saw it once at the Sangeet (Indian pre reception) and the older people were actually throwing money at the performers, not the couple.

So no, not something I've seen at receptions. Most girls I know don't bring that much cash to weddings so I don't know how that would work either (since food and drinks are always covered at the weddings we've attended).

Yes, weddings are expensive and people would prefer money over gifts. I'm lucky in that Asians give cash anyway. But we kept a small registry and if people didn't get things on the registry, they gave us cash. Try to give the message that way.

People should bring gifts out of courtesy, but I guess the thing is don't expect it (almost every bride will tell you not everyone will give you something).

It's such a sticky issue, good luck!

Born to be Mrs. Beever said...

Thanks, ladies for all your help and advice. In the end, I think he will come around again and realize that we both really don't want to do it. :) I hope.

I am not ever one to make my guests feel uncomfortable. As cheesy as it is, I really just want all my friends and family there...not worried about what gifts they bring. Even though I know none of our family or friends would be offended if we did it, some have even told me we should do it (ick), I just personally would feel so uncomfortable. So I think that Mr. Fix It will realize that and be fine with foregoing this at our wedding.

It's so funny that so many of you say you've never seen it at a wedding because it is seriously at almost every wedding I've ever been to...and most of them were not of Latin decent (where it is more of a tradition).

Gracie said...

This is a hard one. In the Filipino culture they do have a type of money dance but I don't think they all do it.

P.S. Sorry I didn't answer your question on my blog. I can email you some ideas if you want to :)

New Mexican Bride said...

I think it is awkward and don't want to do it at our wedding. But I also think the garter toss is awkward and don't want to do it but my fiance does....soooo I will end up doing the garter thing because he wants me too, even though I will feel very awkward. I don't know there is just something about "dancing for dollars" that I think is border line begging for money. I agree with you and I am hispanic!!! :) Good luck in your decision.

Sarah Ann said...

My husband gave in to not doing this one but boy did he fight me on it! He didn't understand how tacky my family would think it was. As low key as our "big" wedding will be, I don't want it to turn into some sort of trailer-trash-backyard wedding, I want it to be classy. Because he has insisted, we will have a basket where people can leave cards/checks/money at their discretion.

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